restorative self-care

I have been thinking A LOT about self-care in recent weeks. The word is used a lot in the social circles I move in, but it had lost a lot of meaning for me. Self-care, self-centered, self-indulgence, and restorative self-care were all getting muddled for me and I wasn't doing any of it well.

What I am trying to focus on these days is restorative self-care. Big or little activities I am doing thoughtfully, intentionally, mindfully to care for my body, heart, and soul in a way that I enjoy and makes me feel a little restored, without guilt.

Restorative self-care is different, for me, than self-care that might include an activity that is practicing care, but doesn't feel refueling or enjoyable, such as going to the doctor. It can include treats of various kinds, but that would fall, first, into self-indulgence.

If I am missing out on space and time to practice restorative self-care, I tend to feel a self-centered lacking. This manifests, for me, in resentful words and behavior that I regret later, and more self-indulgence than self-care. I start to feel guilty, very much aware that many of my challenges are what my family calls 'first world problems,' and while that is not said to diminish the difficulties that are truly needing attention, it does help me re-establish where I have lost my boundaries and...self-care!

Here are some small ways that I am caring for myself in a restorative way (in no particular order, except sleep comes first). These are small, doable things during this season of life that has us on-the-go far too much right now. None of them take much time or money. While I am realizing some changes need to be made in our schedule (and definitely my attitude about it), I am starting with making some shifts for myself to help me manage the overwhelm I am feeling.

Restorative Self-care Activities:

• Prioritizing sleep.
• A hot shower (For some, a bubble bath. For me, a hot shower at night after the kids are in bed.)
• Setting a morning intention.
• Writing down 3+ things I am grateful for each night.
• Getting outside! Nature is the most incredible balm.
• A hot compress on my eyes (I am prone to sties under stress and this forces me to sit in a favorite chair, close my eyes, and rest for 5 minutes.)
• Meditation. (I love the free Insight Timer app. It has something for everyone.)
• Reading a "slush" book before sleep (This is a non-heady book for pleasure.)
• Exercise, even if only 20 minutes
• Yoga (I am not a "yoga person," but Yoga with Adriene for 15 minutes leaves my body feeling really good.)
• Art (I am no artist, but putting colors on paper, taking some satisfying photos, or making something with my hands in a creative ways, feels positive.)
• Hugging myself, squeezing my shoulders, and speaking positive words to myself in the mirror.
• Crying. Yes, really. When things feel overwhelming, a good cry is a huge release for me.
• Journaling. (I am a highly sensitive introvert, so getting it out helps a lot.)
• Sharing the burden...talking with my husband, close family member, or friend all help. Sometimes in sharing, I unintentionally receive help I didn't realize I needed or simply get support that helps me let go of a few worries.
• Sitting outside for a few minutes with a cup of tea.
• If I have one-on-one connection daily with each of my people, I feel calmer and less guilty about needing to carve time for myself.
• 3 deep breaths. I cannot remember where I read about these names for it, but this type of breathing is instantly calming for me. "Mint tea," "Hot cocoa," or as my daughter calls them "Lavender and Dandelion" breaths. Breathe deeply in through the nose, hold the breath, then exhale, blowing out of the mouth, as if you are smelling your drink or flower, then blowing on it to cool it or make a wish. Do this 3 times. On breath one, just focus on the breathing. One breath 2, stretch and expand your body. (We tend to get tight and contract when stressed.) On breath 3, speak an intention or single most important thing for right now. (This 3 breath focus came from an episode of the TiLT Parenting Podcast, which I highly recommend, especially if you have quirky kiddos.)
• More of what feels good to my body (water, for example) and less of what doesn't (chocolate, for example...that is a self-indulgence).

There are certainly other small things that one could do. Some people like to give themselves a mani- or pedicure, have a personal dance party, or play a game of solitaire. Do what works for you. The list above works for me and it does not include screen use of any kind, which is my preference for restorative self-care.

Be well!