light

I have thought a lot about how 2019 felt for me, how I want 2020 to feel, and I have thought about a lot of different words to hold in my mind and heart for 2020. 2019 was a year of a lot of change. Not the sort of change I could write about in our holiday newsletter, but changes of big and small kinds more intimate to our little family. It also held the kind of small changes that pave the way for bigger changes. I worked hard to be present through it all.

Oddly enough, I wrote part of a post about change in April, which I never posted. It is here, below.

I have been thinking about feeling behind, feeling stuck, progress, and change a lot this past year or so. 

As part of our read-aloud, we read poetry. When I read this some months ago, it held in my mind. It reminded me of the Rumi poem, A Guest House, and also of the quote by L.R. Knost (which is at the top of my homeschool planning/prepping Evernote pages). For some reason, this poem left me feeling as though the uphill climb, the sense of treading water, is normal, and there is company and care in each step.

Up-Hill

By Christina Rossetti

Does the road wind up-hill all the way?

   Yes, to the very end.

Will the day’s journey take the whole long day?

   From morn to night, my friend.

But is there for the night a resting-place?

   A roof for when the slow dark hours begin.

May not the darkness hide it from my face?

   You cannot miss that inn.

Shall I meet other wayfarers at night?

   Those who have gone before.

Then must I knock, or call when just in sight?

   They will not keep you standing at that door.

Shall I find comfort, travel-sore and weak?

   Of labour you shall find the sum.

Will there be beds for me and all who seek?

   Yea, beds for all who come.

I think I am mentally a little resistant to choosing the word change because it feels forced and rushed and, if I am honest, I am not fully ready for some of the bigger changes that I know are inevitably coming. And so, I am mulling on change, but I am giving space around this word, this idea, and allowing my anchor word for 2020 to be something a little gentler, but equally important and certainly related and relevant in my world right now.

My word for 2020 is light. This word can apply to so many parts of my life right now, particularly as a melancholic, sentimental, deep-thinker and feeler. I look forward into 2020, a new decade, and I see a lot going on for our family, and I hope that holding this word close will help remind me to keep things simple, bright, and positive, if I am able. It was these images I had in mind, when I renamed my blog, Creative. Light. Less. several years ago. I want to move lightly on this earth, live lighter (less clutter, less spending), lighten my mood, my heart, my thinking. I imagine the light of a candle when my world feels dark, the light of a camp or hearth fire when my world feels cold.

One of the other words I considered was namaste, which I first learned to roughly mean "the good and the light in me sees and honors the good and the light in you." I think this imagery is so powerful and beautiful. There is light again. I want to pay attention to the light in others.

2019 was my 10th year of choosing a word for my head and heart. My guiding  words so far have been calm (2010), nourish (2011), hope (2012), renewal (2013), treasure (2014), joy (2015), potato (really, humor and laughter...potato was a family joke, 2016), harmony (2017), happy (with expectations and boundaries being the foundation, 2018), and present (being present in the moment and giving presents of restorative self-care to myself, 2019). 

Each of these words holds meaning and memories for me, which brings both a smile to my face and tears to my eyes.

I wish you all light, love, peace, and simplicity as we shift into a whole new decade.