light - an autumn check-in

 

I hesitated using this photo. It represents so much for me; nature, seasonal change, hope, and light. But it was one beautiful day, tucked into weeks of unprecedented wildfire smoke and poor air, trapping us inside. It feels misrepresentative.

 

I have been missing from this space for quite some time. The general changes of life in the past year or so, coupled with the pandemic, have me moving further inward. But I have been thinking a lot about my word for 2020, Light, and today, as I folded some laundry, I had a sudden urge to come and post. I don't really have collected thoughts to share, but perhaps I am not alone, as my mind wanders through a chain reaction of emotions and awareness of a need for time to process. Time that is difficult to carve out these days, despite seemingly having lots of time. (We, as parents, have taken on every role, all at once. Even those of us who homeschooled before are not experiencing life in the same way. Our spaces are small and so compactly shared right now. Those of us with high needs children are left without supports we once had. Our children don't have time with mentors they adore. And more. It is hard.)

When I chose the word Light, it was almost a transitional word for me, because the other word I considered was Change. I didn't feel ready to do the inner work involved, yet, with the word Change, but I guess Mother Earth is having a laugh on me, because this year has been all about Change. But it has also been about Light. When I chose Light, the other word that paired with it in my mind was Namaste, which I have always known to mean "the good and the light in me, sees and honors the good and the light in you." 

Isn't this a year during which we have needed to continue to see the good in others and continue to have to reach toward, lean into, walk toward light, positivity, and hope?

There has been so much darkness this year. A pandemic, many deaths as a result, chronic after-effects for many who have survived, economic pain and instability, and climate disasters. Here where I live, 4 million acres of beautiful land, burned in wildfires, many killed, homes lost, and many more displaced. It keeps coming. It is the sensation of being knocked down, bruised up, and dragging ourselves up again to keep going. It is a year of grieving so much. I am not willing to give up on 2020 yet. There are too many holidays, birthdays, achievements, and goals to be celebrated and met.

With light and hope,

N