thrive

 

 

2020 has been a monumental year of unexpected challenges, one after another, all around the globe. 

Each year, since 2010, I have chosen a word of the year, and for 2020, it was the word Light. (Re-reading my post and the links within it was incredibly meditative for me.) 

When I choose a word for the year, it becomes an anchor for me, so even when I am not doing enough of anything else to care well for myself, I can think of the word and consider what I envisioned when I selected it.

I have a list of possible words for 2021...really good ones, like resilience (Lala Bug's urging) and connection, but the word thrive keeps coming back to my mind.

2020 has been a year during which I have wrestled with feelings of gratitude, joy, appreciation, privilege, struggle, overwhelm, frustration, desperation, anxiety, and guilt, all in one tangled mess. I have felt as though we are surviving; working hard to stay physically healthy, stay safe (in so many versions of the word), stay employed, stay connected, all while being mindful of the mental and emotional health toll this is all taking, up and down all day, everyday now. I feel as if I am "on" 24/7, as though I am the lighthouse for my family, but my light is unstable.

I want to Thrive, so that is the word I am choosing for 2021. 

I hope you, too, thrive, in 2021 and I hope you found some glimmers of light (some silver linings) in 2020. Namaste.

brown mouse

 

 

Brown Mouse, today is your day of all days. Your humor and dimpled smile bring joy daily. I don’t take you or that feeling for granted. You’re my baby, like the engine at the back, pushing me forward through this Mama gig. Kiddo, no-one will recognize you when we can be in community again! You have grown so much this year that this is the last birthday (likely the last month!) during which I am still (slightly) taller than you are. Thank you for being your smart, kind, playful, and humorous self, wrapped in a mischievously dimple-smiled package!

holiday cheer with a countdown

 

Well 2020 certainly is winding down in a different way than expected when it began, isn't it? 

Some mama friends and I were brainstorming ways to add a little spark within our own families and spread cheer to family and friends. One of the ideas I shared is the countdown that my little family has done every December for years. 

We string numbered baby socks (but it could be anything...envelopes, a single stocking, a small basket, a stuffed animal's lap, etc.) along a strand of fairy lights for the entire month of December, through January 1 (not just through December 24/Advent, so this works for everyone, not just celebrants of Christmas, and prevents so much holiday letdown).

Each night, I put a slip of paper into the sock for the next day. Each paper slip has a message on it with an activity, craft, food, treat, outing, service, etc. for that day. Tucking the slip in the night before allows me to decide what will work for our plans and moods the following day (rather than trying to plan the entire month in advance). My kids take turns pulling out the slip.

Here are links to what we did the previous few of years; 2019, 2018, 2017.

Below is a list of ideas of things you could do for your own countdown. My own list is more specific to where we live, so I tried to generalize some of our activities for the list below. Add your own! We are coastal, so I don't have things like "build a snow creature" on our list, but you could add anything like this and skip the things below that don't apply to your family. We clearly celebrate Christmas, a little Hanukkah, and Solstice, but you could add Kwanzaa or another celebration. Also, I haven't deleted anything from my own list, so there are things that should apply for a range of ages, since my own kids are middle and high school now! (That also explains any repeats that might be on the list below!)

 

Get a Christmas tree today!

 

 

Go shopping for our ‘adopted’ family.

 

 

Make a Christmas gift or card.

 

 

Celebrate Christmas Eve. Open a present.

 

 

Happy St. Nicholas Day!

 

 

Bake cookies.

 

 

Decorate a gingerbread house.

 

 

Read a new holiday book together.

 

 

Winter Solstice! Have a lantern walk.

 

 

Winter Solstice! Celebrate light together.

 

 

Winter Solstice! Celebrate the light by keeping the power off after sun down. After sunset, use only candlelight, firelight, natural light.

 

 

Practice recorder, singing, piano, or flute. Play a Christmas carol.

 

 

Go on an outing with Grandparent(s).

 

 

Go to kid’s art studio.

 

 

Wrap a present.

 

 

Choose a toy or book we no longer need and donate it to a person in need.

 

 

Go to a Christmas party.

 

 

You deserve a treat! Ask Mamma for one!

 

 

Have a party!

 

 

Make a Christmas gift.

 

 

Care for our bird friends. Make a treat garland, clean out the chicken coop, and fill the feeders.

 

 

Go to the aquarium.

 

 

Choose a candy cane from the tree.

 

 

Draw a picture that shows what you are thankful for.

 

 

Craft with Dada.

 

 

Celebrate the season at a winter festival.

 

 

Give something to charity.

 

 

Craft today!

 

 

Have dinner in a restaurant.

 

 

Take out Christmas decorations!

 

 

Have an adventure or play date with friends.

 

 

Decorate the tree!

 

 

Merry Christmas! Buon Natale! Feliz Navidad!

 

 

Go to the winterland carousel.

 

 

Go to a holiday concert!

 

 

Change the nature table to celebrate the season.

 

 

Help a friend today!

 

 

Get out in nature!

 

 

Take a ferry ride today!

 

 

Hanukkah begins today. Light the menorah.

 

 

Go to a museum today.

 

 

Let’s do some holiday cooking or baking today!

 

 

Celebrate New Year’s Eve today.

 

 

Today is Boxing Day!

 

 

Make clove oranges today.

 

 

Pull out holiday books!

 

 

Write holiday cards for a stranger (elderly or military) to appreciate.

 

 

Write some thank you notes!

 

 

Enjoy a winter celebration from another culture and/or country.

 

 

Enjoy the lights on “Christmas Tree Lane.”  

 

 

See the hillside manger scene.

 

 

Send special mail to friends or family.

 

 

Make wool lambs.

 

 

Make corn husk angels.

 

 

Make papier mache bowls.

 

 

Make Swedish hearts.

 

 

String a popcorn garland

 

 

Make a pinecone garland.

 

 

Make paper snowflakes.

 

 

Make a lantern!

 

 

Make salt dough ornaments

 

 

Think of others today. What can you do for or say to someone else that would be especially kind?

 

 

Take care of our community. Do something kind and healthy, such as collect garbage, donate food, or volunteer.

 

 

Make walnut shell candles.

 

 

Winter crafting with our community today!

 

 

Make candles!

 

 

Make latkes and serve with applesauce.

 

 

Play dreidel!

 

 

Go get a doughnut treat!

 

 

It is time for Sparkle Stories’ audio Advent calendars!

 

 

Choose three (3) of your books to pass on to someone else. Now visit the library book store! Look for a new book for yourself and one to give as a gift.

 

 

Take a walk to a nearby store and pick out a holiday treat!

 

 

Make holiday cards!

 

 

Make a holiday gift!

 

 

Today is for the birds! Bird watch, make a bird treat, and fill the bird feeder.

 

 

Merry Making!

 

 

Treasure hunt! The first clue is:

 

 

See a holiday show today!

 

 

Practice recorder, singing, piano, drums, guitar, ukulele, or flute. Play a Christmas carol.

 

 

Decorate the exterior of the house!

 

 

Make kite paper stars.

 

 

Today is a neighborhood day! Deliver cards or treats to neighbors, pick up garbage, add (a) book(s) to the Little Library.

 

 

Bunny day! Scrub the hutch tray, brush her fur, clip her nails, give her fresh greens, and let her hop about!

 

 

Care for the garden. As needed; rake, weed, sweep, plant seeds, water, tend compost, and explore!

 

 

Have a carpet picnic and enjoy some bubbly to ring in the New Year!

 

 

Winter spiral walk tonight!

 

 

Winter candle light New Year’s wishing and star gazing tonight.

 

 

Light a candle tonight and make a wish or intention for the New Year.

 

 

Enjoy the winter sky tonight.

 

 

Buy a toy for Toys for Tots or another organization that helps children in need.

 

 

Go shopping for a child in need.

 

 

Read a favorite holiday book together.

 

 

Make “blessing bags” to hand out to those in need.

 

Make a collage (or vision board or dream garden) for the new year.

 

Decorate a little tree for your room!

 

Do a little holiday shopping today!

 

Head to the recycle/repurpose store. Can you find a gift or something to make into a gift?

 

 

Visit the lake today. What does it look like this winter? Nature study!

 

Happy New Year! How can you challenge yourself this year?

 

Make some bookmarks, then anonymously leave a stack at the library or in a ‘Little Library.’

 

It is time for Sparkle Stories’ 12 Days of Christmas stories!

 

Make some surprise goodies for friends today.

 

Treat-making day; toffee, hot chocolate spoons, and cookies?!

 

Movie day! Watch a holiday film and have a hearth fire (or candles in the fireplace).

 

Participate in the Christmas Bird Count (eBird) today!

 

 

 

light - an autumn check-in

 

I hesitated using this photo. It represents so much for me; nature, seasonal change, hope, and light. But it was one beautiful day, tucked into weeks of unprecedented wildfire smoke and poor air, trapping us inside. It feels misrepresentative.

 

I have been missing from this space for quite some time. The general changes of life in the past year or so, coupled with the pandemic, have me moving further inward. But I have been thinking a lot about my word for 2020, Light, and today, as I folded some laundry, I had a sudden urge to come and post. I don't really have collected thoughts to share, but perhaps I am not alone, as my mind wanders through a chain reaction of emotions and awareness of a need for time to process. Time that is difficult to carve out these days, despite seemingly having lots of time. (We, as parents, have taken on every role, all at once. Even those of us who homeschooled before are not experiencing life in the same way. Our spaces are small and so compactly shared right now. Those of us with high needs children are left without supports we once had. Our children don't have time with mentors they adore. And more. It is hard.)

When I chose the word Light, it was almost a transitional word for me, because the other word I considered was Change. I didn't feel ready to do the inner work involved, yet, with the word Change, but I guess Mother Earth is having a laugh on me, because this year has been all about Change. But it has also been about Light. When I chose Light, the other word that paired with it in my mind was Namaste, which I have always known to mean "the good and the light in me, sees and honors the good and the light in you." 

Isn't this a year during which we have needed to continue to see the good in others and continue to have to reach toward, lean into, walk toward light, positivity, and hope?

There has been so much darkness this year. A pandemic, many deaths as a result, chronic after-effects for many who have survived, economic pain and instability, and climate disasters. Here where I live, 4 million acres of beautiful land, burned in wildfires, many killed, homes lost, and many more displaced. It keeps coming. It is the sensation of being knocked down, bruised up, and dragging ourselves up again to keep going. It is a year of grieving so much. I am not willing to give up on 2020 yet. There are too many holidays, birthdays, achievements, and goals to be celebrated and met.

With light and hope,

N

a turn around the sun, hidden behind smoke

 

 

I love you, sweet girl. With every passing year, I realize we are born who we are and grow into ourselves. Thank you for being you, making me a Mama, and helping me grow into myself. I appreciate you so much, and as I reflect back on this past year, this crazy, surreal year, I see you have grown so much, each challenge and joy, more into yourself. I love that. 

What an odd, yet special birthday this year. As we hunkered down at home, unable to celebrate with family or friends inside because of a pandemic, or outside because of wildfire smoke and poor air quality, we ate good food (chosen by you!), ever grateful for the simple bounty we have. 

 

 

changing rhythms: homeschool 2020 - 2021

 

This spring and summer have been different (replace with your own adjective here). Even for those of us who have been fortunate enough to avoid COVD-19, even for homeschoolers, life has been twisted on its axis. All activities, travel, social opportunities, and more have been changed or canceled. Exacerbated by the pandemic, our country has had to face a forever-existing racial divide. This year has taught many of us to expect change, be flexible, new ways to relate to and understand each other, and to truly value all we are privileged to have.

And here we are, mid-August, the coming school year looming (that is what it feels like to me this year) upon us. In past years, I have had breaks from my kids (and they from me) in the summer, time to think, clean, organize, plan. I've started the year ready and enchanted. I haven't had that this year and here we are, with (home)school (year 9!) starting tomorrow. (It's Sunday afternoon as I write this.)

Why tomorrow if I am not ready?

We homeschool through a public charter school. Actually, this year, we are homeschooling through 2 charter schools, which is part of the reason I am feeling unprepared. Our son's (K-8) charter technically began last week, but I know the school and patterns well, felt informed, and was able to start preparing early. Our daughter got into a charter school for her high school school experience this year and I didn't have much information until a week or so ago. The bottom line is that, as of tomorrow, both charters have begun and Lala Bug has her first math class.

Our kids are learning all the time. I am accepting that, while I hold Waldorf Education in my heart and mind, our homeschool is more of an us-school experience now. I know, with that in mind, that we can dive in tomorrow and adjust to our new groove, our new rhythm, more slowly.

This year I have a 7th grader and 10th grader! Both my kiddos have learning differences and one is additionally differently wired. In addition to the school year starting, we will begin a more thorough evaluation for one kiddo and resume occupational therapy for the other.

We will start our days with Together Time, during which I read a shared book, we might watch CNN10, read poetry, have important conversations, or do other shared activities.

Our 7th grader will be taking several classes online with our charter. This is not how I want to approach schooling for either of my kids, but this is an atypical school year, we know the school and teachers well, they have been thoughtful about what will work for the kids, and since this is our main homeschool community, he will be with friends, even if not in person.

Brown Mouse will be starting the year slowly, adding up to math, a writing group, Constitution class, crpytography, Spanish (he expressed enthusiastic excitement about this one), and a Shakespeare book group (Julius Caesar). This is plenty, so science will be nature study and playful experimenting to start. Language Arts, for him, is a set selection of materials to address his learning differences.

Our 10th grader, based on how distance learning did and did not work for her in the spring, will take 2 classes online, with the live online portion being only an hour for each class; Geometry and American Government. For English, we will be reading texts of my choosing and pairing it with writing materials to help her build and feel more confident with her writing. Science is Chemistry. Her charter teacher approved our covering chemistry through fiber arts, with the support of texts, some kits, and her grandparents (a chemist and a former fiber artist). She is excited about that. I suspect much of the rest of her time will be spent dancing (although not in person!) and working on various fiber projects. She has switched from knitting to sewing with the warmth of late summer, but is prolific with both, as well as other crafts. She's got some goals in this area.

And me? I am working to not forget myself in the mix. I am trying to remember to lean into my strengths, not sacrifice myself (and my energy) for everyone else, and that, for me, means ongoing work around expectations, limits, and boundaries. What better to model for my growing kids this year?!

Wishing you well as we collectively launch into a strange new, current normal.

no little cabin in the woods

On this day last year, we packed up and headed home from our annual trip to the lake.

Two years ago, when it was time to schedule some time at the lake, we were told that there wasn't a time slot for us. After a little (probably a lot) of shifting and likely some sacrificing of days on the part of the growing (now multi-generational) family that owns the cabin, we got a week up there. We knew not to take it for granted.

This year, with the pandemic, the scheduling date came and went. We have had our own health concerns and uncertainty about travel, so when word came back that the family had filled the summer schedule due to no other travel plans, and there were no days for us, it was expected. But I turned off the computer and I cried.

This is the first summer that we don't get to spend time up there at the little house in the woods. This special place, accessible only by water, has been an annual get-away for my family since my older brother was an infant.  Every summer, since I began blogging, I have written about it, and I have to do so this year, even though I have no new moments to share, because a piece of me is missing. This place is my marker of time. It is where the cycle of my year is re-calibrated. Even now, typing this, seeing these images, posting links to past posts (below), I am emotional.

2020 is full of grieving, isn't it? So many lives lost. So much living lost. Racial, political, economic loss and tension. This is the year when nothing is the same. (And yet everything is the same, day after day, lost in sameness.)

There have been moments this summer, when I have been out for a hike or near water, and the splashing sound, or breeze through the trees, or the certain smell of the sun on the earth will spark a whole body feeling of being up there, and if I just close my eyes...

We have talked about taking a road trip up to the lake, just to hike or paddle. There is hesitation. "It's not the same." A few days in the cabin on the lake is the kind of sameness we need. We crave the celebratory anchors. We have known our time there might come to an end, but I will hold hope for next summer.

The last 4 years of posts from this particular blog.
2019
2018
2017
2016

living light and DIY

During this pandemic (our family is now entering week 9), it has been nearly impossible to get any alone time, but observing each of us, I am learning so much. Speaking about myself only, I have noticed that I flow in and out of a mix of emotions, even in the course of a day. We have been fortunate, so far, and I feel guilt, privilege, and gratitude all rolled into one untidy bundle. I, like many, have found this whole event to be stressful, but there are some things we are doing that keep us busy, ease some of the stress, and feel productive.

Growing an edible garden. With a small yard, we are growing in scattered little plots.

We are in a part of Northern California where our shelter-in-place orders have been extended through May 31, with uncertainty beyond that. These weeks at home have had difficult and joyful spots, growth and regression. Among the positives, however, have been the space and necessity that we lean into our more resourceful, DIY tendencies. As I said in my previous post, I am choosing light; seeing the brightness of this time and living more lightly on the planet. (It is one way I manage my anxiety.) Living lightly is something M and I have always aligned on, but I had been feeling like we had drifted in the past 5 years or so. (We spent an entire year buying nothing new when the kids were younger, but that would be so much harder now!)

 Homemade sauerkraut and homemade yogurt.

Sheltering in place has shown us a few things.

It quickly became clear to us that our tendency to be prepared was helpful. Preparation has been a tool I have used for years, initially because being prepared saves us money, more recently because it saves us time and addresses environmental risks (earthquakes and wildfires) and food allergies and sensitivities, and in shelter-in-place, it has saved us from additional worry.

As more and more people have jumped into urban homesteading, it gave me an awareness of how much our family already does ourselves, and if there is an urban homestead wagon, we were already on it.

Muffins and granola. We make granola weekly and the recipe is my gluten free version of a recipe I brought home from summer camp when I was 12.

I have enjoyed the challenge of making things work during this time when zipping out to buy and telephoning to hire haven't been options. Within the first 3 weeks of shelter-in-place, we had multiple things break. Between us, we had the skills and resources to repair or work out an alternative. This time has had me reflecting on lessons my grandparents and parents shared, and the phrase 'use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.' We are not lacking for anything, but I certainly don't want anything to go to waste and I am extra eager for us to take care of what we do have. These desires are emphasized by the desire to avoid contact with others.

The reasoning is bizarre and unprecedented, but the resulting resourcefulness and simplicity are welcomed, and the decreased environmental impact is so very good.

Line dried laundry and plastic bags (washed and reused, yes). Do you see rags hanging there? We use a lot of cloth; rags, napkins, towels, feminine, and when we had babies, diapers. We have used cloth wipes, too, but we do use toilet paper when it can be purchased.

The photos in this post are a sampling of simple actions and recipes we were already using long before this pandemic. In addition, we have a chest freezer to stock on on sale foods and bulk cooked meals. We are crafty and make things we need through woodworking, sewing, other fiber arts, and more. (Yup, we have made masks right along with everyone else!)

While we had chickens for years, we don't currently. We talked about getting chicks last year, but didn't have the bandwidth. We do now, and so chicks are on their way to us. We have cleaned out the coop and are excited for the coming additions to our little homestead. We keep trying new things, too. I just made a batch of rice milk and while I bake a lot from scratch, I want to try making my own gluten-free sourdough starter for gluten-free sourdough bread.

I hope to look back on this time and see the creativity, the light, and the need for less that resulted from it.

What roots have you returned to during this time?

creative light less at home through a pandemic

 Beloved Hawthorn tree, which has transformed in the last 2 weeks. A flock of Cedar Waxwings cleared the remaining berries, nudging the new leaves to show themselves.

While I have had a lot of things to say and seemingly plenty of time to say them, the thoughts in me haven't been organized or fluid for months now. For this reason, I post less and less often.

Even now, I am not sure that my jumble of thoughts will be well written, but I want to get something onto the blog to mark this time in history and our lives. Our family has been socially isolating for nearly 4 weeks. Yesterday marked 3 weeks since health officials in our area (the first to do so in the country) declared shelter-in-place due to COVID-19. My thoughts now are very different from that first week.

During week 1, this whole situation felt unreal. As our movement in the world became more limited, it seemed surreal, as though it would be temporary. I wondered if the view of homeschooling might change for the better as schools closed one by one. My thoughts of that have shifted the past few weeks. I worry for the families that are trying to juggle kids at home with work-from-home jobs, kids who don't have a safe haven at home, and families who have lost jobs. I know there are teachers struggling to pull together home lesson plans (this being harder the younger the child), parents struggling to know how to bring a class teacher's lesson plan to life at home, and kids pushing back and resisting work. Now in week 4, I wonder...when we are all let back out into the world and schools reopen, if homeschoolers will be more criticized than before. And at some point I realized; No one is homeschooling right now, not even the homeschoolers. What we are doing is pandemic-schooling. Or just surviving. (I like what Carrie of The Parenting Passageway and Shawna of Different by Design Learning have to say.) The reality is that no-one has been where we are now. We are trying to find our footing while figuring out how to acquire the basics for living, get enough movement while deprived of big nature, and support each other. All while we wait for an unknown. We are a world spiking in physical, emotional, and mental health strain.
Week 1, one of my biggest emotions was guilt. Guilt that we were okay and totally soaking in the time at home. My family had desperately been needing some down time, together. M's work and commute had been nutty, and when he was home, he often had conference calls. His absence had, in all honesty, created some painful Dada rejection for one kid. The kids and I had been very busy, one kid sick in February and the other counting the weeks until spring and summer breaks. The first week home, we connected, we relaxed, we had time to be creative. We had some hard adjustments too. It turns out live-stream online classes (distance-learning) are not a good fit for one kiddo, our Internet coverage is clunky, and our house is tiny, so there is no-where for M to work. (He has a stool pulled up to the side of our bed, and as of last summer, our bedroom is a finished basement room - a through-way to the garage. He had to connect his computer to the Internet with hard wire to have a connection down there.) Work continues to be stressful, with new dimensions of intensity.

But these are first world problems. So far, he is still employed and we are still healthy, as are our families. So far. The 'not knowing' what is to come is hard. I read an article in week 2, written by a counselor to parents of high needs children. Some excellent points were made that we parents of kids with special needs are experienced with 'no knowing.' Very true. Now in week 4, I see that the reality is the whole world is on pause right now. No one knows how long any given place will need to stay home to stay healthy. There is so much worry, with health and financial worry topping the list. And while humanity struggles, Mother Earth keeps turning, the sun keeps rising, the birds are singing, the air quality is much improved, and wildlife can be seen roaming now-quiet streets. These are the beautiful things, along with health and bounty, that keep us all moving forward. Not seeing friends and the more solid understanding that kids won't resume or be reunited with classes, sports, and friends anytime soon has been hard. Sibling relationships have gone from playful to strained.

Week 1 we needed the down time. Week 4 we are needing outside-the-family time. This month has been an incredible spyglass on the balance my family needs.

A week or so ago, I was messaging with a local friend, who was feeling overwhelmed (as many of us are) and who said "I just want to go back to how it was." Deep breath. Pause. I texted back; "Me too. There is no going back. It will always be life 'before pandemic' and life 'after pandemic'." That is a huge realization to mentally own and everyone will have to do that in their own time and way. And right now, "during pandemic" feels unfamiliar, isolating, scary, never-ending, anxious, frazzled, insert-your-emotions-here.

"During pandemic" has also had its share of positive emotions; connection, love, deep gratitude, and creativity, caring, friendliness with new meaning. This time has nudged us to to return to the roots of this blog; Creative. Light. Less. When I first began blogging (on my blog titled Which Name?), most of what I wrote about was creative, frugal living. When I moved blogs and chose a new name, I stuck with that and chose a name that reflected my desire to live creatively, lightly on this Earth, and with less (stuff, baggage, etc.) During the past 5+ years, our family has drifted further away from those roots and my blogging has been spottier and more about homeschooling. At the end of 2019, I had decided that I wanted to consciously return to some of these lifestyle fundamentals. For similar and other reasons, I chose the word Light as my word for 2020. So it seems positive to me that, here we are, finding light in this time of darkness in the world, and having to live creatively and with less.  I know that it has helped us tremendously that we were prepared entering into this stay-at-home time. Our family culture being rooted in DIY made this transition easier, as did our preparedness for earthquakes and wildfires because of where we live. (I am linking to another post from Carrie of The Parenting Passageway, where she wrote about how she was preparing for an extended time at home. It is a great prep list.) This time at home has given space for recycled/upcycled craft projects, seed planting, tons more creative cooking, conscious shopping, reusable materials, creative fixes and replacements, and more consciousness to what we are using and doing.  The craze for toilet paper has me worried in only one way...someone accidentally flushing cloth wipes down the toilet. (We already had the stress of having a plumber in during week 2 because of a clog in the pipe that we couldn't clear with our home tools.)

So here we are today, sitting in gratitude for all we have and curiosity about the days ahead.

I hope my rambling, wandering thoughts find you doing whatever you can and are able to do to stay safe and healthy; physically, emotionally, and mentally, and you have a window or an outdoor space that lets you soak in a little springtime sunshine and fresh air.

Stay well.