change/brave

My posts are getting fewer and further between! (I see that I never posted about our learning year this fall. I might come back and remedy that at some point.) 

 

Every year since 2010, I have chosen a word for the year. Each year, mentally coming back to the word has been a helpful anchor. Except 2021. My word for 2021 was Thrive, but it was a Survive year. It has been a rough year with much growth and yet much to keep us stuck.

As always, a dictionary of words were options for 2022 - there are so many good words in multiple languages - but I think I have to choose the word Change. And this year, in choosing Change, I have to pair it with Brave, because change is really hard for me, hard for others in my family, but I feel deeply that we need to embrace it, currently, and that takes bravery.

What words, thoughts, goals, etc. are you striving for in 2022?

Inner Work, Faith, and Self-care

 Beauty grows from hard things. 

(Penstemon newberryi growing from a crack in a mass of granite.)

When I began diving into Waldorf with intention, about 8 years ago, the words 'inner work' kept coming up. At the time, I was a bit hesitant to ask, 'what does that mean?!'

During that time, what I was reading and hearing generally had religious foundations. The advice "Pray about it" and "Get down on your knees" was offered freely. As a spiritual, but secular person, these suggestions baffled me and slowed my progress. I could not relate to the easy faith that sharing with God would bring peace, because God would provide. I do not believe in a God in this way and I do not have that free trust that there is someone bigger than me, ready to catch me and lead the way.

Somewhere along way, I began to understand inner work as a catch-phrase for slowing down, getting quiet in my mind, admitting where I needed to let go and ask for help (even if only to myself), and taking ownership for my role in all aspects of my life and all relationships in my life. This 'inner work' seems to mean quiet self-recognition, ownership-of-self, and any actions taken to accept and move forward. For some, it includes prayer. For me, it includes meditation, thoughtfulness, and intentionality. It might include crying as a release and I may need to write freely to achieve a place of mental peace.  Inner work can be hard and painful and vulnerable. It can be freeing and calming. For me, it is soul-care and needs to be followed with self-care and the ingestion of content or performance of any activity to help me help heal and grow myself, such as listening to music, reading poetry, doing yoga, writing, doing an art or crafting, reading, etc.

I learned that once I understood myself more, I could better define what inner work meant for me, and over the years, my inner work and self-care have changed due to the circumstances in my life even more than they have changed due to knowing myself better.

I am a highly sensitive, introverted woman, who is married to an amazing man who has a long commute (affecting his own self-care and our family schedule and dynamics) and a homeschool parent to two children, one of whom has a variety of differences and higher needs. These aren't the only factors that define me, but they the the biggest factors in defining my ability to do healthy work on myself and care for myself.

I need to start from a place of consistent alone time, preferably at home. This provides the well from which I draw, and without that, even daily small doses of self-care aren't enough and I have trouble letting go into that place of true quiet. I end up "thinking about my need to think about things."

This past year, particularly since winter break, our family patterns and personal schedules have changed and shifted a bit, making it nearly impossible for me to at home, alone (or seemingly alone with others asleep). I have been working to adjust and accommodate. This past year has been one of growth, exploration, and change in so many ways.

Since we homeschool, summer is a chance for kids to attend day camp, giving us all a break from one another and me some much needed alone time. This summer, because of travel and classes, the kids are doing just one week of camp and that is wrapping up now. I could use one more day but the kids felt done by the end of yesterday.

I made a list of things I needed and wanted to accomplish this week. I tried to be realistic and also to make sure there were not just productive items, but true self-care on the list. I am pleased with how much I marked off the list! Despite this, I can see how depleted I have gotten simply because it took me until day 4 to really start to let go, cry, get a little quiet in my mind, and begin to work through the many things I have mentally set aside. As soon as I do, healing, decisions, and faith in myself begin, and joy and beauty have a chance to sprout.

What do inner work, soul-care, and self-care look like for you?

June and July 2019

 

June brings solstice summer sun

Warmth and light for everyone.

 

We spend July in mountains high.

Canoe, hike, and swim; The days fly by. 

~Nicola 

 

Dates of Interest:

June 16: Father's Day

June 21: Summer Solstice

July 4: United States' Independence Day


Homeschooling:

We wrapped up the year well. We didn't get to all at hoped to and planned for. Not even close. But we also had some important health care appointments series that interrupted our flow substantially.

We usually take the summertime off. This year, our summer break is shorter and we will be enjoying some space and time, but we will also be doing some intentional learning. Our summer is actually far more scheduled (not necessarily full, just mapped out) than usual.

Intentional learning includes some language arts and some math for both kids. In addition, Lala Bug has asked to learn some coding. This isn't something she is normally interested in, but she has idea in mind that this would help with. I love this for so very many reasons! Also, Shakespeare is much loved in this house and there are opportunities around to see local performances, which we plan to take advantage of.

And, of course, I need to spend some time planning. This coming year will look very different, but I don't quite know yet how it will be different. We continue to try and be mindful of where our kids are socially, emotionally, developmentally, and academically, regardless of their chronological age. We are trying to respect their desires, limits, and interests, while keeping the broader view of what they might need for college and beyond. All that feels a bit fuzzy for my planning right now.

Self-care:


Self-care this summer will mean me getting some time alone, clearing some of our spaces (this gives me greater inner calm), and reading some books. We will be adventuring and exploring this summer, which is something I deeply need. I need to "get away," even if we don't travel and this just means exploring new and much-loved places nearby.

Parenting:


Our kids need some down time, nature time, and one-on-one this summer! There are plans for them to get all of that. I continue to work on boundary setting and holding and we are being mindful to pour on more positive compliments and observations when appropriate. We have one kiddo who has a hard time accepting supportive criticism, corrections, and also compliments. All of these help us grow when when they are intended in a caring way.

Home life:

We have some major work to do this summer...decluttering, room shuffling, and we need a new roof (and ceiling repairs from where the roof leaked)!



I am combining June and July, because one way in which I am caring for myself this summer is not setting myself up to feel obliged to be online! Have a joyful summer.

learning period 3: 2018-2019

I have posted previously about how our charter follows learning periods. (Here is my post from learning period 2, which links to learning period 1 as well as other posts.) I shifted into posting monthly at the start of 2019, but since I was specific about subjects in these learning period posts and I started the school year this way, I am going to do both to finish the school year. (Note: I am writing this at the beginning of March, having forgotten to share about learning period 3, December 2018 and January 2019, so will back-date this to post it chronologically!)

December and January were what I would call heavy on learning but light on academics. We had a number of appointments lasting into December, the holidays, the move of the kids' beloved occupational therapist, high school applications, and some deep stresses and anxieties all affecting our homeschool. There was joy and learning (you cannot stop it, even if you try), but less documentation.

Social studies: We continued with our American Girl history project, had a fabulous hands-on field trip to a Native American history site, and during this learning period, we watched a number of documentaries that lead to a lot of big conversations. (I subscribed to Curiosity Stream when there was a $1 per month deal and we also really enjoyed the Netflix series Tales by Light.) Towards the end of this learning period, the kids began classes through our charter school. Both chose to participate in the Shakespeare class being offered. As part of this class, there are weekly homework assignments and a history research project.

Math: Teaching Textbooks for Brown Mouse, Khan Academy for Lala Bug, games, and Key To... series workbooks for both kids. We are more consistent with math this year, but it still seems to be slow going.

Language arts and Writing: This third learning period, both kids joined a weekly book group offered by one of our charter teachers. They read Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. This was a non-required precursor to the Shakespeare performance class I mentioned above. I used Brave Writer ideas as we read through Nine Gnome Nights by Sieglinde de Francesa of Teach Wonderment. Lala Bug is getting weekly support from a teacher at our charter school and Brown Mouse is still working through a reading and spelling support program called REWARDS, which he is having success with.

Science: During this learning period, much of the science we covered was through our nature studies; overwintering ladybug beetles, migrating birds, weather, earthquake exploration, and some chemistry.

Onward into learning period 4 already!

Holiday Countdown 2018

Each year, we countdown during the holidays. I know I am a little late in posting this, but the reality for us is that we didn't feel all that Christmasy until it was all over. We had a little get-away after the new year and came home feeling a little more in the spirit, so I am finally posting on 12th night.

This is our December countdown for 2018. It took us through December, through January 1, 2019. I change it to adjust to my growing kids, who still love and ask for this tradition each year. This year, I noticed that perhaps we don't need the countdown after Christmas quite so much. I have always included this to ease some of the post-holiday let-down. Next year, the kids will let me know what they want and need. I love this tradition, too.

1. Sparkle Stories Advent stories begin!
2. Special holiday event with friends.
3. Light the Menorah. (The kids were given a new build-your-own Menoroah.)
4. Make latkes
5. Make a holiday decoration for Grannie (They decorated a wreath, which we hung on her front door.)
6. Happy St. Nicholas and Play dreidel (The kids were given a dreidel decorating kit.)
7. Pull out the holiday books!
8. Pull out Christmas decorations and start to decorate.
9. Get a Christmas tree!
10. Decorate the Christmas tree and watch Yogi’s first Christmas (a tradition)
11. Treasure Hunt!  (The kids found a mini tree to decorate for their room, their dolls and stuffed animals.)
12. Make a card or gift.
13. Pull out instruments or sing. Practice a Christmas song. (We had such a fun jam session!)
14. Take care of the birds.
15. See the hillside nativity scene.
16. Attend a holiday concert.
17. Choose a candy cane from the tree.
18. Treasure Hunt! (Each kid found a new article of clothing.)
19. Bunny day! Take extra care of our rabbit.
20. Neighborhood day! Pick up garbage, deliver toffee and cards.
21. Winter Solstice! Visit the library book store and choose a book for yourself and one as a gift.
22. Get out in nature! Super high tide today What unusual shore birds can you spot?
23. Bake cookies. Celebrate Christmas with family.
24. Take a rain walk and get a kettle corn treat.
25. Merry Christmas! Celebrate Christmas with family.
26. Make paper snowflakes.
27. Have a play date with friends at the park.
28. Write thank you notes
29. Take a hike.  See the ladybugs.
30. Go see Mary Poppins Returns with friends and perform and act of service for neighbor, family, or friend
31. Winter Spiral
32. (January 1): Make a ‘dream garden’ collage for 2019
    
    

     

    

    
    

    

    
    

    
    

lake life 2018

We are home again from a week at the lake. Immediately back to reality, which carried on without us, glad to have home to come home to, but clutching memories of 'home' in the wild.

This year, the trip almost didn't happen (we are add-ons to the growing family that owns that cabin) and we are so deeply grateful, never taking for granted the gift of the time, place, and tradition that this trip holds for all of us. (Here is last year's post. And one from 2016.) This place holds so many memories, so much growth made visible each year, and I am seeing more and more, a sense of place. ownership, and predictability for the kids (and me).

While the kids have gone fishing before, Brown Mouse caught his first real fish this year. Doing so was a powerful learning experience, unexpected and emotional. Both kids were deeply upset by it. Brown Mouse desperately wanted to bring a fish back to Grandma at the cabin, but was horrified at actually killing, cleaning, and carrying a fish, and Lala Bug was deeply upset at the inhumanity of harming an animal. We released the fish and, as the kids are not vegan or vegetarian, this prompted deep discussions. 

This year we were later in the summer than the past two years, so no wildflowers. It was incredibly dry due to lower than normal snow pack last winter, as well. We had M with us the entire week, the first time in a few years, which was such a gift to all of us.

 

We hiked a tremendous amount this year, exploring two new-to-the-kids lakes. This, of course, gave M and me the chance to share more stories and memories of these beautiful places.

 

 

Some of us snuck in some reading time, too. The kids blew through enough books that they both started in on Kindles. Kindles in hand, Lala Bug read at least two books from the Five Little Peppers series and Brown Mouse read several books from the Math Inspectors series. 

I finished How to Raise a Wild Child by Scott Sampson while enjoying this view (below), a gluten free beer, and leftover homemade (by my brother) enchilada casserole with a pile of tomatoes and guacamole. Perfect. And this really was the perfect setting in which to finish that book. It was such validation that M and I are raising wild children; children who know where they fit in, in nature, the importance of it, the appeal of it, how to care for it, and how to learn from it. We have children who seek it out.

 

The lake was so low this year, these two were able to wade from one swim rock to the other (to take photos of something...an Osprey?) And below, such competent paddlers now, more confident having practiced capsizing. There is something so special about watching your children and your parents paddle off, enjoying being active together.

 

And with that, the summer season swings closed and I reluctantly turn toward all that comes next.

June 2018, a nature filled update

We have had so many beautiful moments that I have caught on camera lately and I have shared bits and pieces of our doings on Instagram (request to follow me @nicolacreativelightless ), but I wanted to share more here, and quite honestly, had forgotten that I posted a decent summary of our highlights in early May. All of that still holds true, with the exception of my health status. Knock on wood, I am on the mend. After a glorious backpacking trip (see below), we began an anti-inflammatory diet. Really, it is for me, because my inflammation markers were through the roof on a recent blood test, but M decided to join me. He says he isn't feeling that different, but my skin (horrible eczema) is clearing and my brain fog is lifting. I am still tired, but am taking much better care of myself, my family is supporting me, and I don't feel like hiding quite so much.

We slid out of the school year. What I mean by that is that I simply chose a day to end the school year, but we had already started fizzling out and while I truly believe in a rest period (I might be the one who needs it most), rhythm is good for all of us and there are certain pieces to our days that we don't want to let go of (nature play and study!) or I feel like need a little special focus. We did finish up some unfinished projects, which felt good.

With my brain fluff clearing a little, and in combination with Waldorf-Inspired Learning's Plan it Out program, I am thinking a bit about what worked, what didn't, and what I would like to plan for next year. We won't likely make decisions about high school for some months yet, but I am planning as though this is our last year homeschooling with all of us together. A lot of emotions for me. Really, kiddos do grow up so quickly.

So now we enter summer. Long days of light have meant a loss of morning alone time for me, because Lala Bug is waking super early and can't fall back to sleep. (Yes, there are black out shades in the bedroom.) She is a highly sensitive kid. We used to do a summer manifesto, but now, I am simply holding the words "summer slow down" in my mind.

What will summer look like for you?

last night I dreamed of rain

Last night, I dreamed of rain. I woke to the first cloudy day in a little while, but no rain, no forecast of rain, yet I still had dampened spirits. We desperately need some rain. It has been another dry winter, with little snow in the mountains and only enough rain to cause mudslide damage to the fire torn areas of the state.

The temperatures took a sudden turn and we went from very nippy (for here) temperatures to spring.

We have taken advantage of the sun. We have done some weeding, turned the compost, we're preparing to repair our fences, and we have spent time in nature. Our weekly nature time has been such a welcome respite, although I am playing with when it happens and I may need to let go of my expectation that nature journaling go along with it. My kiddos just need to be in nature. I can see and hear how much they are learning and thriving from this consistent time each week. I've kept  up my journaling, though, and I get joy looking back through at all we have explored this learning year.

The last few weeks have truly filled up my senses and as we snuggle up to catch glimpses of snow and the winter Olympics in South Korea, I wanted to share a few snapshots of our world outside right now.

happy

Each year, I choose one word, a grounding word, to hold in my mind and heart when I need it most.
This year, I thought of many words that seemed right; Reflect, Connect, Rest, Quiet, Us, Grow(th), Acceptance, Smile, Contentment, Consciousness, Creativity, Letting Go (two words, I know).

I needed a simple word to return to, something that, in some way, can encompass all of those, depending on how life ebbs and flows.

So I am embracing the word Happy.

Happy is a feeling I want to reclaim. I feel as though I have lost it as I grasp for other things. Honestly, what I really came down to were the words Expectations and Boundaries/Limits, which would, in turn, lessen my feelings of Guilt, something that really chokes out Happy. So, through the year, as I meditate on the word Happy, I will be checking in with myself about Expectations, Boundaries/Limits, and Guilt.

This is my 9th year choosing a word. My previous words for each year were as follows, and each has given me one anchor to pause and meditate on when I need just one thing.

2010 ~ Calm
2011 ~ Nourish
2012 ~ Hope
2013 ~ Renewal
2014 ~ Treasure
2015 ~ Joy
2016 ~ Laughter/Humor (Really, it was a word that was an inside family joke. Here is my post.)
2017 ~ Harmony (Here is my blog post from last year)
and now,
2018 ~ Happy

When I look back and think about those words, each one brings such unique memories of my focus for that year. The summer I practiced embroidery at the lake by stitching calm into the sampler. The year nourish shifted from tending my pregnant body to tending my miscarried soul. The year I needed to remember to treasure what I had instead of looking for something more, different. These words are an anchor to focus my busy mind.

Each year, on our adventures, I find a rock along the way, write my word of the year, the year, and where I found it, on the rock. I then add it to the growing pile in a big shell on my dresser. Sometimes, I stop and handle the rocks, holding the weight of those words and memories.

I hope you found harmony in 2017 and may your 2018 be a happy one!

nature study - birds

One of the highlights of our homeschooling this year has been our weekly nature study. With the pleasure of Exploring Nature With Children (and the associated Facebook discussion group), we have a focus for each week that we use (or don't use), along with art to explore, a poem to read, and activities to engage with. Bird week below...

 We made bird feeders from conifer cones and pomelo rinds, wild bird seed, peanut butter, plain popcorn, and Hawthorn berries. We full anticipated squirrels, not birds, but we were excitedly surprised by the view from our deck.

Chestnut-backed Chickadee

Dark eyed Junco

Bewick's Wren

Chestnut-backed Chickadee 

Oak Titmouse