corner view: my room 1, before

I began blogging over 10 years ago. (I closed my original blog, Which Name?, to the public and stopping adding to it about 3 years ago.) Somewhere in the 11+ years I have been blogging, perhaps starting 8 or 9 years ago already, I was enmeshed in a lovely blogging community, one that was big and overlapping, like a beautiful online Venn diagram. One circle of that Venn was a group of bloggers from around the world that participated in Corner View. Each week, there was a theme, and we were to take a photograph of our corner of the world, to fit that theme, and share it on our blog. We linked up to each other's blogs. The themes were things like coffee, home, community, etc.

Now, on this blog, I am going to use a modified version of 'corner view' to share some photos of home. This summer, we plan to do some minor renovations and major rearranging in our home, so it occurred to me what feels like 'home' right now, might feel very different by the end of the year.

 This corner view is in my room, now. My dresser, pulled from my in-laws storage shed, each drawer lined with old maps. On the wall above, my growing curiosity cabinet, given to me by my brother. On the dresser, a driftwood beach candle holder (also from my brother), a mosaic mirror made by my girl, M's childhood piggy bank, my name scrolled by my grandpa when I was a child, an antique jewelry box given to me as a young teen by my parents, a plant from my best friend, and rocks. Always rocks with words on them. The ones in the shell have some of my word-of-the-year rocks and the ones in the jar were written on and given to me on my birthday from my family.

As I write all that, it amazes me that this one tiny corner view holds so many memories and shares so much about me.

home and homeschool - a May update

I haven't intended to become such an irregular blogger. I deeply miss the writing and sharing here in this space, but a few things have happened that have slowed down (paused!) my blogging here.

Journey North Mystery Class and also math-in-the-garden nature journaling.

My joy in blogging has always been two-fold. One is my love of photography. I love capturing what I see and sharing it here. My desire to share hasn't mixed well with my time to upload, look over, delete, and url stamp my photos lately. In addition, I have had to take and choose photos with a different 'lens.' I have been very careful when choosing photos that include my kids or their work because they are becoming more private, probably in part because of age, but also, following my lead and conversations we have had, they are more cautious. And, of course, I admit to having finally joined the world of Instagram last autumn. It is so easy just to share a photo there, without url stamping and with easy editing. It has made me lazy with photo blogging. (You can request to follow me there @nicolacreativelightless )

The second has been the writing piece. As for the writing component of sharing here...well...my thoughts and feelings have run so deep and so muddled, that I have struggled to make sense of them. Writing has always helped, but for me to be comfortable sharing here, the re-writing and editing would take too long. I have struggled with some health challenges which have left me drained at the end of the day. The time after the kids go to bed has always been my quiet writing time, but lately, I have lacked all desire to be on the computer before bed. In fact, right now, it is mid-afternoon, we are all out on the deck and the photo below is my view of the kids as I write. We just visited the library and need nothing more than a good book, a snack, and sunshine to undo some of the tension built from testing the last couple of weeks.

Lala Bug made a thunder cake on her own after reading Thunder Cake by Patricia Polacco

So much has happened the past couple of months, since I last truly blogged about homeschooling. Nothing hugely significant, but just many little, ordinary, extraordinary, beautiful (and stressful...let's be honest) moments, cobbled together to make a meaningful family life and education. One of our strongest anchors has been nature study this year. It hasn't been what I imagined it would be, but it has been healing and soul-filling. Read-aloud time and hands-on explorations connected with those readings have also been strong roots, along with our charter community and activities.

We have had crazy spring weather. Dime-sized hail!

Family nature journaling

Since my post about worrying about the path ahead, I have attended some homeschool high school discussions, had lots of conversations with other parents, I have listened to a number of homeschool podcasts, 'attended' a couple of online summits (including one for twice exceptional (2e) children...children who are both gifted and have special needs/challenges), visited a couple of alternative middle and high schools, journaled, discussed with M, and thought a lot.  We still don't know what we will be doing when the time for 'high school' comes, but my exploration has opened conversations with Lala Bug, has begun warming all of us to the idea that transitions are coming, and I feel significantly less anxious. (For now.)

   Knitting pattern writing and drawing

 

 Fibonacci explorations

So, today, I am enjoying the sunshine of spring, sitting here with my computer and my notebook, and dumping ideas down for what is worrying me and what I want most to tackle in our home and homeschool in the coming months. It gives me a place to begin a conversation with the kids and M about what they most want to guide and learn and do. What does your home look like this spring?

natural dyes: a which name? re-post

My kiddos might be big, but, oh, they do love our traditions. So egg dyeing is happening as I type. They are dyeing some hard boiled eggs and have already dyed some shells that I carefully cracked near the top. The pictures immediately below are a sampling of today's creativity.

Below is a blog post that originally appeared on my blog Which Name? on March 18, 2010. A version of it also appeared in the online magazine, Rhythm of the Home, in April 2010. Unfortunately, not only is the magazine no longer being e-published, but the magazine URL now belongs to someone else, so all my article links are dead-ends.




recently, when my mom brought over the children's books on fiber arts, she also brought over several books on using natural dyes for fabrics and yarns, knowing that my interest in natural dyes had been rekindled. i skimmed the books, learning things i had not known, wishing for more detail on fabric (rather than yarn) dyeing, knowing i am not ready to purchase chemicals to use as setting agents, and finally settling in on the natural food dyes i know and love.

but this time, i am not using them for fabric. i am using them for food.

with easter just around the corner and mike's mom over for a visit, we put some of my food dyes to the test.


using foods for natural dyes (of eggs, non-synthetic cloth, and non-synthetic yarn) is incredibly easy. some foods are natural dyes (or as we know them, staining agents!), such as coffee, tea, turmeric, mustard, grapes (wine), berries, beets, etc.

here is how to make your own egg dyes:
your food for color + 1 tablespoon vinegar + 2 cups water = egg dye
(the vinegar is the setting agent.) bring all of the ingredients to a boil, them simmer for 10 or more minutes
pouring your mixture through a sieve will give a liquid that leaves you with a solid color. leaving the food material in the mix will give your egg a mottled color.

to obtain various colors:
red: beets, cabbage, red raspberries, strawberries
yellow: onion skins, turmeric, mustard
blue: blueberries, blackberries
green: mix your yellow and blue dyes
orange: mix your red and yellow dyes (today's updated note: sour grass makes the most incredible orange)

i used red raspberries for red, blue and blackberries for blue/purple, and a combination of turmeric, mustard, and onion skins for yellow.

at the suggestion of my crafty friend liz, we made leaf imprints on some of our eggs. to do this, simply press the leaf against the egg, wrap the egg tightly inside an old nylon stocking, twist to keep taut, and dye for as long as you can bear to leave it sitting.



the egg below was dyed in blueberries and was left soaking for well over an hour. i left it tightly wrapped when i removed it from the color and let it dry slightly before removing the stocking and peeling off the leaf.


and because i could not bear to let all those simmered berries go to waste, i used them to make berry cobbler!

homeschool with my 10 and 13 year olds

As I re-read my homeschool day posts from the last two years (links below), I am chuckling at how much I could just re-share, and wonder if there is any point to sharing a day this year. I debated just picking a day and detailing it, but I think I like sharing our general rhythm more than a specific day. 

    

Our days are very much the same as last year, although there have been very subtle developmental changes in my kids. These slight changes have me wondering what shifts I need to make in our homeschool, have me thinking ahead a lot, and also have me aware of how precious our current groove is. We have been homeschooling for 5+ years now, yet I still feel like a beginner somewhat regularly, because as I figure things out, things change! 

 

Morning:
I am not sure I could share any better than last year. My alone-time morning routine is still the same (tea, journal, exercise), although, to be perfectly honest, the past month or so I have been struggling with some health issues that have left me drained and opting for more sleep in the mornings. Since my kids are still early risers, I have had very little alone time. I choose a word each year, and so far, this has been a strong anchor for me as an introvert with little time alone. (Typing this post has taken me all day, on and off, interrupted a bazillion times.) I can take deep breaths ("mint tea" breaths...inhale the aroma deeply through your nose, blow out on it slowly with your mouth, to cool it) and focus on my word and the intention behind my choice at any time during the day.

My kids are still generally up by the time daylight breaks and they are welcome to do as they like to transition into wakefulness. This has been key for us, as one doesn't outgrow sensory issues or anxiety, so learning triggers and how to manage the big feelings that come up is critical. Add in pre-teen/young teen hormonal and brain changes and it can get wild around here. Starting the day quietly is key for me and it appears to be key for my kiddos. 

Breakfast is our family meal of the day, after which, M is off to commute to work. I bring my tea into the living room and we enjoy our morning read-aloud. I choose the books that I read during this time and because we can cover any and every topic during read-aloud (and the big juicy conversations that follow), I know that if we do nothing else I have planned, we have still covered a lot. My kids are welcome to play quietly, knit, or draw while I read, as long as they are listening quietly and not reading their own books.

Once read-aloud time is over, we all get dressed and ready for the day, each of us does basic chores (dishes, pet care, snack prep, etc.), and usually the kids are antsy to get outside. We used to go for regular walks, but lately, they have preferred our backyard; swinging, jumping on the trampoline, kicking the soccer ball, or digging in the dirt.  

Snack and an attempt at some structured lesson time come next. My kids are both sharp, so I am not worried about them long term, but one of the short term changes in the past year is that I am really having a hard time engaging their focus into more structured learning activities. I used to mostly have us work together (at their respective levels), but changing needs and attention spans have me trying to get better again at one-on-one with the kids. Lala Bug is doing more and more independently, but wanting me nearby and ready to be attentive. Brown Mouse still needs me to partner with him. (If you read my blog regularly, or know us, you know that each of my kids has some unique challenges. Lessons might be where they become most noticeable.) 

Afternoon:
My kids are always hungry, so they are ready for lunch, and we are all ready for some unstructured time (quiet, reading, playing, podcast-listening, etc.). 

We still have unmet needs for separate spaces (they share a room - small house!), but we have made some little changes that help a lot. M and Brown Mouse made a pulley-system play table for the living room, so Brown Mouse can set up toys, but clean-up can happen without actually putting away elaborate play scenes, and Uncle S gave Brown Mouse a kid's play tent, so he has a place to be alone when his sister is in their room. This has been so helpful, because the need for everyone to "take 5" (or 45, as the case may be, let's be honest) has increased, but so has the ability to self-regulate and know when that need is suddenly here, so I consider this a win.

One of the subtle changes that has happened in the past year is an increase in the requests for screen time. We have never been heavy screen users. Our approach has been intentionally media light and there has always been so much to fill our days. There still is, but for whatever reason, perhaps because I use it a little more as a learning tool with the kids, I get more 'down time' requests for its use. Neither kiddo is into video games, but depending on the day, they each might have a little screen time in the afternoon. 

Evenings: We try to have dinner around 6pm. M is sometimes home in time for dinner, sometimes he isn't, which is why breakfast is our family meal. The kids bathe or shower some evenings. We sometimes still snuggle up for bedtime books, but this is another one of those subtle changes I have noticed. Sometimes Lala Bug just wants to read on her own, so Brown Mouse and I snuggle up to read. (That said, tonight, we all independently read our own books, next to each other on the couch.) M often has evening work calls from home, but he always tries to connect with the kids before they go to bed and he gets on a call. My sensitive kids still need their sleep time protected and I selfishly want them both in bed so I can wind down a little and/or get some time with M. Sometimes this happens and sometimes my day is bookended by kids needing attention. Once they are settled, I do all the silly little wrap-up and prep (for tomorrow) tasks of the day. Evening is when I shower, meditate, and read for pleasure. When the kids go to sleep later, I end up going to be later, too.

Mondays: Mondays we have our entire morning routine. After lunch we often have a 4-H activity or American Girl mixed-gender history club.

Tuesday: Tuesdays start with read-aloud and chores, but in lieu of lesson time, we head to soccer. We come home again for lunch and lesson work before taking Lala Bug to ballet in the evening. 

Wednesday: This is our main homeschool charter classes or activities day. When classes are in session, they are optional, but depending on what the kids choose, they can be more than just supplemental. For example, Lala Bug is in a Shakespeare performance class right now, which requires weekly homework assignments, a research project, and there will be a stage performance at the end. We are both on a learning curve...Lala Bug with the types of assignments and deadlines required from teachers other than her parents, and me on how to support and ride the waves of emotions this learning curve is bringing.

Thursday: Thursdays start with morning read aloud and chores, but in lieu of lesson time, we head to our charter school resource center, where Lala Bug has weekly math class with one of the teachers. This is the first year since we began homeschooling that her core math comes from someone other than me.  I support her with homework and practice during the week. (There is tension over this and I have to pick my battles, but overall, it's helping me to see how much she has learned from our motley method of math lessons and also helping her to get caught up in areas we missed.) I work with Brown Mouse during her class. After math is occupational therapy (both kids, alternating weeks). We usually make our weekly stop at the library after OT. We love the library for so many reasons. Our library time in shifting slightly right now, so our visit time hasn't been consistent since the beginning of January. We go weekly, but time it to when it is most convenient each week. We go home for a bit before heading back out for the second ballet class of the week. (Brown Mouse and I play ball, read or work together, or go to the library during her ballet classes.)

Friday: This is our Forest Fun Friday. This is a day we keep clear of obligations. We like to head out for a weekly nature study. (We have been using Exploring Nature with Children and ideas from John Muir Laws on nature journaling.) We have a favorite place we go to regularly, but we occasionally mix it up, depending on our nature study and mood, and visit another of the amazing natural spaces around us or a museum. (Last week, we actually just stayed home and spent a ton of time out on our deck, watching and counting birds as citizen scientists for the Great Backyard Bird Count.) We also work on math homework, any other spill-over work, projects we have been wanting time for, and right now, we've been excited for the weekly set of clues for Journey North Mystery Class.

Weekends: Family (extended included) and house DIY time. We work on projects, get down time, and sometimes do art together. Sometimes we go camping (with or without friends) or to the mountains.

Our days are broken up by good conversations, snacks, questions, laughter, bickering, overwhelmed meltdowns, snacks, play, a deep pull to just cozy up with a good book, knitting, and more snacks. These kids are getting bigger and growing into the most amazingly cool people.

Below is my latest version of a list of questions posed by Melissa Wiley and first put to wall art by my friend Jess. (I.e., the inspiration isn't mine originally, although I have added questions to it.) It is what I hope we can answer 'yes!' to at the end of each day, regardless of the bumps, or whether we accomplished what I hoped we would or not!

What does a day/week in your homeschool look like?

A homeschool day with 12 and 9 year olds, 2017
A homeschool day with 11 and 8 year olds, 2016 
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guest house (a Which Name? re-post)

This post was first written and posted to my original blog, Which Name?, on February 22, 2013. I have made a few small edits here for privacy reasons. I clearly remember the introduction of this poem to me (thank you, Mom) and my reason for posting it then. At that time, I had learned about the second of several miscarriages the morning of the day we met with our new homeschool charter teacher. (This charter relationship is not the same one we are in now and was not a good fit.) The "guest" at that time represented the pain and inability to communicate to those around me the loss of someone I never really had. I am posting this again today, because this blog post popped up in my Facebook memories and it couldn't have hit me on a more perfect day. (Okay, I am sure it could, as I'm a sensitive woman, so another wave came before and another will come after.) This morning was bumpy for all sorts of reasons, manifesting in a very tough homeschool day. As I read this post, I long to step back in time, wrap myself in those little people who just want and need me and look so darn cute reading on the couch together. I want to freeze us there while gain my footing, get caught up, catch my breath. I treated this morning's guest kindly and with love and the rewards will come back to me 'some day,' I am sure of it. (And just as I was typing this, one of my now-tall-little people asked to sit on my lap for a hug. Maybe it is 'some day' already.)  ~Nicola, February 22, 2018


February 22, 2013
guest house

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out 

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi, 

translated by Coleman Barks

 

The Rumi poem above came to me from my mom (which came to her from a friend) at the beginning of the year, at a time when our chain of losses had only just begun. It is such a beautiful poem and so powerful. I printed it out and put it up above my desk. (I have corks there to collect the bits of inspiration that I look to now and then to keep me going.) The photos below it show that life continues...spring is springing here in coastal California.

The days are blending into each other now, in a very natural way. Many of them have their challenges. My current mantra (gleaned from somewhere in my Waldorf-y world) is "warm heart, cool mind." But not a single day has passed during which I have regretted our decision to homeschool. I thought I knew this girl of mine, but she is teaching me so much about what an amazing person she is and is becoming.

This isn't going to be one of those homeschooler posts where I tell you what our rhythm is and all the cool stuff we are doing. Although we actually have done a bunch of cool stuff, the truth is, I am finding it so challenging to get into a new groove. I had a fabulous one going before winter break, but I have learned it was easier for me to shape one with Little Brown Mouse while Lala Bug was at school. Lala is an enigma...I haven't quite figured out how to best shape our day for her (and for me). I do know she really did need (and does need) this time with me. I am loving that, truly. I am only mildly missing my alone time (although there aren't enough hours in the day and I am not quite sure how I am going to get the taxes done), but I am missing my time with Little Brown Mouse. He and I have no alone time now, although I am not sure he minds the way Lala did when she didn't have any alone time with me.

As for the nuts and bolts, I can share those. We left the Waldorf-inspired charter we were in for a number of reasons. I will say only that I hope, for all the children there (and selfishly because I spent hours and hours over the past 2 years working on the school), that the school finds its way to success eventually. We moved straight into the arms of several families of like-minded friends (old and new) in the form of a Waldorf and arts inspired homeschool co-op. The kids all get along and we parents are currently hosting 6 classes for them, including lesson-related crafting, knitting (also lead by a dear friend and mentor), world dance, creative writing, world music, and Spanish. It is fabulous. We are also homeschooling through a charter and trying to remain as Waldorf inspired as possible, as this seems to touch Lala (and me!) deeply. We have chosen Waldorf Essentials (through choice) and Oak Meadow (charter approved) as our curricula for now, and are using the non-Waldorf, but entertaining, Life of Fred for math.

 A little less than two months in, I am still a little uncertain of myself, but have been reassured that I am doing well, given how new to this part of our journey we are. Everyone is happier and our family is more connected. We seem to either get startled, crazed looks or excited inquiries about how to do it, when we tell people we are homeschooling. The truth is, we are happy with the choice. I am not sure what the future holds, but then that is half the fun.

  

last night I dreamed of rain

Last night, I dreamed of rain. I woke to the first cloudy day in a little while, but no rain, no forecast of rain, yet I still had dampened spirits. We desperately need some rain. It has been another dry winter, with little snow in the mountains and only enough rain to cause mudslide damage to the fire torn areas of the state.

The temperatures took a sudden turn and we went from very nippy (for here) temperatures to spring.

We have taken advantage of the sun. We have done some weeding, turned the compost, we're preparing to repair our fences, and we have spent time in nature. Our weekly nature time has been such a welcome respite, although I am playing with when it happens and I may need to let go of my expectation that nature journaling go along with it. My kiddos just need to be in nature. I can see and hear how much they are learning and thriving from this consistent time each week. I've kept  up my journaling, though, and I get joy looking back through at all we have explored this learning year.

The last few weeks have truly filled up my senses and as we snuggle up to catch glimpses of snow and the winter Olympics in South Korea, I wanted to share a few snapshots of our world outside right now.

homeschooling - the path ahead

This past autumn, and all through winter break, I have been thinking a lot about homeschooling and the path ahead. As any good Waldorf-inspired parent, I have thought a lot about the children in front of me, where they are now, what they need, and lately, meditating a lot on where they are going.

This month, I will be attending a number of information sessions for high school. While I only have a 7th grader at this point, I feel as though the light of high school started gleaming brighter at the end of a much shorter tunnel when this school year began.  As someone who tends toward anxiety and can overthink things, I am trying to proactively explore the options for Lala Bug while simultaneously seeking out support that we may need to help us along the way.

As homelearners, we have taken a year by year approach and I never expected to be homeschooling this long. It has been good for the highly sensitive child of mine, so while we will explore the high school options locally, I will also be learning about the options for homeschooling high school in our area.

Another homeschool mama friend and I were sharing our current homeschooling anxieties and  I realized something really important in a new way.

There are many, many paths to becoming an educated individual.

The typical route that I took, and that M took, and that many (most) other kids take through schools and into college is just one way. There are others. As I consider these other paths, such as homeschooling high school, I fret about things like science labs. As a biologist, lab was important for my path. But it suddenly occurred to me that science labs aren't Lala Bug's 'thing' anyway. If I had let go of what I "should" be doing, would science have been the path I really chose? I don't know. I do know that I want to give our children a chance and input (with guidance, of course!) on where they see themselves going and how they think they are going to get there.

Going to college is just one option after high school. For many people, it isn't an option at all. It is a privilege. College isn't the only route to becoming a self-sustaining, successful adult. As I thought about these things, it really dawned on me...my children may not want to go to college! Can M and I be okay with that? He and I both saw college as a necessity to a successful career.

These are just thoughts and realizations as I puzzle through how to help support my still-child navigate what is coming ahead (when she still doesn't see it coming), but they were important steps for me in letting go a little more. When I meditate on my children, when I focus on Lala Bug and how her life might be when she is grown, I only see a successful adult. That girl has focus, determination, hard work, and skills...when she is passionate about what she is doing and learning.

I am holding onto that image as we explore the possibilities.