restorative self-care

I have been thinking A LOT about self-care in recent weeks. The word is used a lot in the social circles I move in, but it had lost a lot of meaning for me. Self-care, self-centered, self-indulgence, and restorative self-care were all getting muddled for me and I wasn't doing any of it well.

What I am trying to focus on these days is restorative self-care. Big or little activities I am doing thoughtfully, intentionally, mindfully to care for my body, heart, and soul in a way that I enjoy and makes me feel a little restored, without guilt.

Restorative self-care is different, for me, than self-care that might include an activity that is practicing care, but doesn't feel refueling or enjoyable, such as going to the doctor. It can include treats of various kinds, but that would fall, first, into self-indulgence.

If I am missing out on space and time to practice restorative self-care, I tend to feel a self-centered lacking. This manifests, for me, in resentful words and behavior that I regret later, and more self-indulgence than self-care. I start to feel guilty, very much aware that many of my challenges are what my family calls 'first world problems,' and while that is not said to diminish the difficulties that are truly needing attention, it does help me re-establish where I have lost my boundaries and...self-care!

Here are some small ways that I am caring for myself in a restorative way (in no particular order, except sleep comes first). These are small, doable things during this season of life that has us on-the-go far too much right now. None of them take much time or money. While I am realizing some changes need to be made in our schedule (and definitely my attitude about it), I am starting with making some shifts for myself to help me manage the overwhelm I am feeling.

Restorative Self-care Activities:

• Prioritizing sleep.
• A hot shower (For some, a bubble bath. For me, a hot shower at night after the kids are in bed.)
• Setting a morning intention.
• Writing down 3+ things I am grateful for each night.
• Getting outside! Nature is the most incredible balm.
• A hot compress on my eyes (I am prone to sties under stress and this forces me to sit in a favorite chair, close my eyes, and rest for 5 minutes.)
• Meditation. (I love the free Insight Timer app. It has something for everyone.)
• Reading a "slush" book before sleep (This is a non-heady book for pleasure.)
• Exercise, even if only 20 minutes
• Yoga (I am not a "yoga person," but Yoga with Adriene for 15 minutes leaves my body feeling really good.)
• Art (I am no artist, but putting colors on paper, taking some satisfying photos, or making something with my hands in a creative ways, feels positive.)
• Hugging myself, squeezing my shoulders, and speaking positive words to myself in the mirror.
• Crying. Yes, really. When things feel overwhelming, a good cry is a huge release for me.
• Journaling. (I am a highly sensitive introvert, so getting it out helps a lot.)
• Sharing the burden...talking with my husband, close family member, or friend all help. Sometimes in sharing, I unintentionally receive help I didn't realize I needed or simply get support that helps me let go of a few worries.
• Sitting outside for a few minutes with a cup of tea.
• If I have one-on-one connection daily with each of my people, I feel calmer and less guilty about needing to carve time for myself.
• 3 deep breaths. I cannot remember where I read about these names for it, but this type of breathing is instantly calming for me. "Mint tea," "Hot cocoa," or as my daughter calls them "Lavender and Dandelion" breaths. Breathe deeply in through the nose, hold the breath, then exhale, blowing out of the mouth, as if you are smelling your drink or flower, then blowing on it to cool it or make a wish. Do this 3 times. On breath one, just focus on the breathing. One breath 2, stretch and expand your body. (We tend to get tight and contract when stressed.) On breath 3, speak an intention or single most important thing for right now. (This 3 breath focus came from an episode of the TiLT Parenting Podcast, which I highly recommend, especially if you have quirky kiddos.)
• More of what feels good to my body (water, for example) and less of what doesn't (chocolate, for example...that is a self-indulgence).

There are certainly other small things that one could do. Some people like to give themselves a mani- or pedicure, have a personal dance party, or play a game of solitaire. Do what works for you. The list above works for me and it does not include screen use of any kind, which is my preference for restorative self-care.

Be well!

the 2019 - 2020 learning year

We are gently and reluctantly launching our school year this week. I say reluctantly because we had a very full summer, ending with work happening in our house, throwing things into chaos and leaving me feeling (no, actually being) unprepared. But because of how our school year is framed, it is time to begin.

When we began the school year last year, my oldest, a high needs kiddo, was entering 8th grade. We were really working to determine what the specific high needs were rooted in, with the hope of finding extra support to address them. She knew that she wanted to homeschool high school. I didn't think I wanted to homeschool high school. And so went a year of addressing each of our needs and finding supports.

Oddly (or perhaps not), here we are, a year later, having considered a lot of different options (including a 'gap year'). Now, though, we are making last minute decisions for course work and curricula resources as we descend into another homeschool year, with both kids. Both Lala Bug and I have grown in the past year. The growth and the supports we have both received have lead to more mutual understanding and confidence that we can homeschool high school successfully.

The supplies above, the book stack below, and a handful of other fabulous goodies were free for educators (including homeschoolers) at a local reuse shop!

9th grade:
I want to say I can't believe I have a high schooler. I can, because this transition for Lala Bug has been on my mind for 2 years now and integrated into our lives for over a year, but I can't believe how quickly my kids are growing and, honestly, how hard it is to stay on level with them. I am simultaneously trying to keep up with the changing needs as a slow processor, all while not letting my head get away with me in thoughts of "shouldn't we be doing X by now?" Yes, 14 years into parenting, the "shoulds" can still niggle sometimes.

This year, we have planned for Lala Bug to participate in a part time program in a nearby school that serves kids who need extra support. We had additionally planned to begin a new homeschool charter that serves high schoolers, however, part of our last minutes decisions included releasing our spot. I had a difficult time reaching anyone to answer questions, and when I finally did, I had already spoken with a couple other moms whose families use that charter, and we were already coming to the conclusion that, as scary as it is to fly solo for high school, the charter would not be a good fit for us at this point. (If anyone in my everyday life wants to know the details, please just ask when you see me!)

We only just got the draft schedule for the part time program Lala will be attending and the slow, sporadic, unique orientation will be begin this week. She is nervous, as expected, but I am hopeful that this will be a good fit for her, and the blend of homeschooling with some small school supports will be just right.

So, while I am no longer an over-planner, I would have liked to have had all of the information I gained in the past few days, already in place several months ago.

Math: Lala will likely be taking math as one of her part time school program classes. She has also clicked with the teaching and practice style of ALEKS, so she will continue to practice using this program. She will also be doing some business math this year and she has spent quite a bit of time coding during the summer and I expect this will continue and deepen.

English ~ Literature, Language Arts, and Writing: We will be tying together history and literature and will be covering U.S. history (so we can cover government during elections in 2020) through the books we select. We will be using language arts learning guides such as Boomerang (Brave Writer). We will cover some essay writing, as well. In addition, Lala Bug has been using a spelling program to support some of her learning differences and will continue to practice typing.

History/Social Studies: We will be deepening the learning of U.S. history through literature and non-fiction books, biographies, documentaries, field trips, and discussions.

Science: Lala will experience science with lab in the part time school program.

World language: She has been asking to learn Italian for some time, but I think we will have her begin with Spanish, which is an extremely common language where we live.

6th grade:
Brown Mouse is starting 6th grade this year. We are leaving the elementary years behind, something I can't quite believe! He is still with our beloved charter school, for which I am grateful, although the school, on the whole, is going through significant (to us) changes this year, so we are starting the year curious, but less certain. I am hoping to have Brown Mouse undergo an evaluation through our charter school this year, as he has some differences when it comes to writing and spelling, which are signaling a possible subset of dyslexia or some other language processing difference.

Our plans for him this year are loosely Waldorf based, but with more mainstream resources.
Games and exploration: I just want to start by saying that we play games and do physical exploration for every subject that we can. This goes for both kids!

Math: He would like to continue using Teaching Textbooks for math, however I think he is capable of a bit more challenge, so I would like him to do some practice using ALEKS, which our charter school covers.

Language Arts and Writing: We will be doing both of these through literature, specifically Brave Writer style. I suspect the resource specialist will give us additional materials to work specifically on spelling, the mechanics of writing, and typing. I know there will be additional literature that he will join his sister and I with, in reading, as well, and we will tie into history through some Shakespeare. He and Lala are prolific independent readers.

Social Studies: I would like to cover Roman history and Medieval history with him this year. I think there are some enjoyable ways to explore these periods, despite history not being his favorite subject.

Science: This is Brown Mouse's favorite subject. We are going to be doing a lot of hands on learning this year, exploring some ecology, geology, and physics.

I know I haven't named a ton of curriculum resources, but it is because I am going to be pulling materials from a variety of resources, depending on the subject or project. My key tool is my library card. This allows us access to borrow books, audiobooks, ebooks, and DVDs. It gives us free admission to a number of museums, use of language programs, and more. We also have similar benefits through our charter school.

Other memberships and services we use (some free, some paid) are: Curiosity Stream, Khan Academy, Brain Pop, our local museums, our local parks district, Netflix, Amazon, YouTube, Pinterest, other bloggers, and probably more that I am not thinking of!

Extras:
Both kids participate in soccer, dance, and 4-H (which is comprehensive for leadership, teamwork, community service, and more. The kids will be co-leading a project this year.) There is additional interest in mountain biking, golf, piano, and more, and we are working out what our schedule, budget, and other allowances and limitations will be.

This is a year of a lot of change. I think I won't really know how it is going to go until we are in it and settling into a new rhythm. It will involve a lot of driving for me, and probably some park/cafe-schooling for Brown Mouse and me. I am hopeful and finally feeling at ease with the choices we have made as we move into high school.

Inner Work, Faith, and Self-care

 Beauty grows from hard things. 

(Penstemon newberryi growing from a crack in a mass of granite.)

When I began diving into Waldorf with intention, about 8 years ago, the words 'inner work' kept coming up. At the time, I was a bit hesitant to ask, 'what does that mean?!'

During that time, what I was reading and hearing generally had religious foundations. The advice "Pray about it" and "Get down on your knees" was offered freely. As a spiritual, but secular person, these suggestions baffled me and slowed my progress. I could not relate to the easy faith that sharing with God would bring peace, because God would provide. I do not believe in a God in this way and I do not have that free trust that there is someone bigger than me, ready to catch me and lead the way.

Somewhere along way, I began to understand inner work as a catch-phrase for slowing down, getting quiet in my mind, admitting where I needed to let go and ask for help (even if only to myself), and taking ownership for my role in all aspects of my life and all relationships in my life. This 'inner work' seems to mean quiet self-recognition, ownership-of-self, and any actions taken to accept and move forward. For some, it includes prayer. For me, it includes meditation, thoughtfulness, and intentionality. It might include crying as a release and I may need to write freely to achieve a place of mental peace.  Inner work can be hard and painful and vulnerable. It can be freeing and calming. For me, it is soul-care and needs to be followed with self-care and the ingestion of content or performance of any activity to help me help heal and grow myself, such as listening to music, reading poetry, doing yoga, writing, doing an art or crafting, reading, etc.

I learned that once I understood myself more, I could better define what inner work meant for me, and over the years, my inner work and self-care have changed due to the circumstances in my life even more than they have changed due to knowing myself better.

I am a highly sensitive, introverted woman, who is married to an amazing man who has a long commute (affecting his own self-care and our family schedule and dynamics) and a homeschool parent to two children, one of whom has a variety of differences and higher needs. These aren't the only factors that define me, but they the the biggest factors in defining my ability to do healthy work on myself and care for myself.

I need to start from a place of consistent alone time, preferably at home. This provides the well from which I draw, and without that, even daily small doses of self-care aren't enough and I have trouble letting go into that place of true quiet. I end up "thinking about my need to think about things."

This past year, particularly since winter break, our family patterns and personal schedules have changed and shifted a bit, making it nearly impossible for me to at home, alone (or seemingly alone with others asleep). I have been working to adjust and accommodate. This past year has been one of growth, exploration, and change in so many ways.

Since we homeschool, summer is a chance for kids to attend day camp, giving us all a break from one another and me some much needed alone time. This summer, because of travel and classes, the kids are doing just one week of camp and that is wrapping up now. I could use one more day but the kids felt done by the end of yesterday.

I made a list of things I needed and wanted to accomplish this week. I tried to be realistic and also to make sure there were not just productive items, but true self-care on the list. I am pleased with how much I marked off the list! Despite this, I can see how depleted I have gotten simply because it took me until day 4 to really start to let go, cry, get a little quiet in my mind, and begin to work through the many things I have mentally set aside. As soon as I do, healing, decisions, and faith in myself begin, and joy and beauty have a chance to sprout.

What do inner work, soul-care, and self-care look like for you?

summer at the lake 2019

This summer has been somewhat different from previous summers. When asked at the end of the school year what our summer would look like, it seemed as though it would likely be some basic learning activities, punctuated at the beginning, middle, and end with travel. And that is what it has been, but it felt far more busy and lesson summer-like than I imagined. It also felt short, as I knew it would.

To launch our summer, we took a family road trip north to Portland and back. We camped our way home and, on the whole, had a really wonderful trip. The truth is that we deeply needed some time away, just the four of us, and that was quite restorative.

The middle of the summer took us to north Lake Tahoe. That trip was short and affected by kiddo high needs. While it was beautiful up there, it wasn't a relaxing break. We did enjoy family and the women's world cup soccer final and win!

And the end of the summer took us to the wilderness of the mountains again, to our special place we have been lucky enough to visit every year since before I was born. It is the anchor of my year and where I want my ashes scattered after I die. This year was a little different for a few reasons. There were some quirky things happening at the cabin that needed fixing, so we fixed those. Our kiddos, who were so kung-ho to hike hard before the trip, were rather subdued once there, and not quick to be overly motivated. We had multiple boot failures, most notably mine completely falling apart on a hot rocky trail, with about a 30 minute hike (without boots) left to return to the boats. (It took me longer, and some tears, to get back to the lake.) I never got to some favorite spots during our week away and found I had to grieve this a little. I also got very little quiet reading, writing, drawing time. A little, but not a lot. Regardless, it was soul soothing setting and felt so good. The photos are all from this trip, because I share some every year.

And in between, some language arts and math work for both kids and an incredibly successful coding class for our girl, complete with presentation and demonstration of their developed app at the end.

And summer? It is only early August, yet I must turn my attention to the school year ahead, since our beloved charter didn't get the memo that August is summer!

August 2019

In August, stone fruits are so sweet.

Peach pie makes a special treat. 

~Nicola

 

 

Well, hello. I have taken a couple months off from blogging and it was so busy it zipped by! We have had a couple of months that were very much of a mix of summer travel and full home time that was not at all summer-like. In fact, some of our usual summer anchors have been missed entirely. August will be a mix like that, too, with some summer activities, but some school related events happening, as well.

 

 

Dates of Interest:




Instead of specific dates this month, I will just say that, this month, we are celebrating a family birthday, have some new-to-us homeschool support school appointments to attend, school 'start' dates on the calendar, a week of day camp, and meteor showers to enjoy!

Homeschooling:







June and July had a homeschooling rhythm broken by trips. Both kids were working on math and language arts programs through the summer and Lala Bug just completed an intensive coding class. In August, the support schools that we homeschool under will begin, although we still have a certain amount of flexiblity. With Lala Bug having graduated our long time charter school, our new situation for her will be a learning curve and transition for us all.

Self-care:


The kids are in an outdoor camp for a week and that is my summer 'vacation.' That is my one week to tackle projects for me, take deep care of myself (massage, haircut, naps, etc.), schedule appointments, read, write, lesson plan, and whatever else fills my cup.

Parenting and Family:

During the next few weeks, I want make sure we get some good family connection as well as fuel each kid with some special time. We are hoping to re-establish the rhythm of a family hike on the weekends. I know the transitions and changes coming are likely to trigger anxieties and I want to prepare for that.

Home life:

I mentioned in my June/July post that we have some major house work to do this summer and it is underway now. It is a bit shocking how long some of these projects can take, even when hiring others to help do them!

I hope your August is lovely and joyous!

learning period 5: 2018 - 2019

I have posted previously about how our charter follows learning periods. (Here is my post from learning period 4, which links to those before.) I shifted into posting monthly at the start of 2019, but since I was specific about subjects in these learning period posts and I started the school year this way, I am doing both to finish the school year.

This learning period, April and May, flew by. My word for the year is present, chosen, in part, because this was my eldest's 8th grade year, so I really wanted to soak up our time together before big transitions. Having spent most of the year addressing extra needs, high school tours and applications, and more, I have only now finally felt able to slow down and be present. Boo. In April, our kids went through state testing, which also took a small chunk of time and a fair amount of emotional bandwidth. 

 

Brown Mouse cut and sewed this knife pouch himself. He wrapped a cordage handle on the knife and put the whole thing on a belt he also made himself. This was one of several things that show his growing independence, capabilities, and interests the past few months.

Social studies: We wrapped up learning about the Great Depression through literature; Esperanza Rising by Pam Munoz. We also took a tour on a tall ship, which opened conversation back up on many of the topics and the time period we studied earlier this school year.

 

Lala Bug loves fiber arts of all sorts. This doll outfit is one of a number that she made this year. She made the leggings (from an old t-shirt), then the dress (from an old sheet). She entered the dress in the county fair for judging. Her sewing creations have increased in complexity and speed of completion this year.

Language arts and Writing: In addition to using the Brave Writer Arrow guide alongside Esperanza Rising, there was writing for 4-H for both kids this learning period. In addition, Lala Bug was getting weekly support from a teacher at our charter school and Brown Mouse is still working through a reading and spelling support program called REWARDS.

Math: Teaching Textbooks for Brown Mouse and Khan Academy for Lala Bug. Both kids did the evaluation for ALEKS and Lala Bug liked it, so she will be using that over the summer for some support. We all like Math Antics videos for review and always games! A big highlight in April was participation in their first Outschool class. The one we chose was a math class for review of certain concept under the guide of designing their dream homes.

Science: During this learning period, we continued our nature exploration through 4-H and as a family on the weekends. We also enjoyed several science experiments using the DK Smithsonian books and Mystery Science. We found tiny Anise Swallowtail caterpillars on our fennel. We had to identify them because we have never had them before. We moved fennel and the caterpillars to our butterfly net house to raise. It is amazing watching them grow! Perhaps the highlight, though, has been following (on bird cam) a pair of nesting Peregrine Falcons from when they laid 3 eggs. Two eggs successfully hatched and the chicks are nearly ready to try their first flight now. This bird cam is especially meaningful to my two young birders because they even had a chance to go and speak with an ornithologist about these birds.

And finally, our charter is now finished for the year. Our family participated in and attended a sweet, personal graduation celebration for the dozen 8th graders. It was such a celebration of each child, homeschooling in general, and our charter community. I declared May 31 our final day of school. We still need to bind main lesson books and share them with family. We are ready for a break! That said, both kids will be having mini math and language arts lessons consistently through the summer and we will need to compile record books for 4-H.

Happy end of school year! How are you celebrating?

June and July 2019

 

June brings solstice summer sun

Warmth and light for everyone.

 

We spend July in mountains high.

Canoe, hike, and swim; The days fly by. 

~Nicola 

 

Dates of Interest:

June 16: Father's Day

June 21: Summer Solstice

July 4: United States' Independence Day


Homeschooling:

We wrapped up the year well. We didn't get to all at hoped to and planned for. Not even close. But we also had some important health care appointments series that interrupted our flow substantially.

We usually take the summertime off. This year, our summer break is shorter and we will be enjoying some space and time, but we will also be doing some intentional learning. Our summer is actually far more scheduled (not necessarily full, just mapped out) than usual.

Intentional learning includes some language arts and some math for both kids. In addition, Lala Bug has asked to learn some coding. This isn't something she is normally interested in, but she has idea in mind that this would help with. I love this for so very many reasons! Also, Shakespeare is much loved in this house and there are opportunities around to see local performances, which we plan to take advantage of.

And, of course, I need to spend some time planning. This coming year will look very different, but I don't quite know yet how it will be different. We continue to try and be mindful of where our kids are socially, emotionally, developmentally, and academically, regardless of their chronological age. We are trying to respect their desires, limits, and interests, while keeping the broader view of what they might need for college and beyond. All that feels a bit fuzzy for my planning right now.

Self-care:


Self-care this summer will mean me getting some time alone, clearing some of our spaces (this gives me greater inner calm), and reading some books. We will be adventuring and exploring this summer, which is something I deeply need. I need to "get away," even if we don't travel and this just means exploring new and much-loved places nearby.

Parenting:


Our kids need some down time, nature time, and one-on-one this summer! There are plans for them to get all of that. I continue to work on boundary setting and holding and we are being mindful to pour on more positive compliments and observations when appropriate. We have one kiddo who has a hard time accepting supportive criticism, corrections, and also compliments. All of these help us grow when when they are intended in a caring way.

Home life:

We have some major work to do this summer...decluttering, room shuffling, and we need a new roof (and ceiling repairs from where the roof leaked)!



I am combining June and July, because one way in which I am caring for myself this summer is not setting myself up to feel obliged to be online! Have a joyful summer.