hope and thrive

 

 

This past week has been emotional for my family, comprised of seemingly small things, which, following the past 14 months of pandemic life, have felt significant, when all rolled into one typical little week. The makings of the week may have no interest to anyone else, but I know if I share them here, one day I will read this post and be touched by it.

In the past 7 days, the following has happened;

I went to the library for our weekly curbside pick-up and found that the library was open and I was welcomed in. I am fairly sure my reaction gave the staff a little bit of joy, because I had all the awe, wonder, and excitement of a 5 year old in a candy store. Yes, I had to hand sanitize, mask up, have my temperature taken, and more, but I got to browse books, touch books, and come home with books that I selected just because I liked the cover. 

Mike and I both got our first COVID vaccine shot. I have no desire to have any sort of debate here on my blog about vaccinations. My background is science and yet I did not enter the clinic lightly and it was a surreal experience. (We had minimal reactions to the first shot. I am aware through various sources of information that we are likely to react to the second shot.) 

We learned that we will be able to go to the lakeside cabin this summer. Last summer was the first year in my life that we were not able to go, it was a deep loss, and I thought (given the growth of the family that owns it) that 2019 might have been our final summer. I will cherish our days there.

We met with a neuropsychologist and left the meeting feeling validated and positive. In our many attempts to support our differently wired kiddo, this is one of few experiences to which I can put those words. 

It rained. We live in drought-stricken California, so this gift from the skies was appreciated and celebrated. In fact, we headed to our favorite 'pond' for a rain walk and exploration, during which the kids were delighted by a single little duckling that raced about in the water, as if it had finally be let out to play, and curious little salamander.

This week has felt like an out-breath after holding my breath for far too long. It felt like steps toward thriving (my word for 2021).

pandemic-versary

 

One year ago, on this date, the kids, through a class with F's (and L's former) charter school, put on a theater performance of Macbeth. (F was a murderer and L was costume assistant.) It was an outstanding performance, happening after quick and concerned communications and changes in plans last minute, as the news kept turning up new information about a growing pandemic. 

 

Grandparents were missing from the audience, from an abundance of caution. The dress rehearsal and performance were the only things F had done in 2-3 weeks, having been sick. (Yes, it has occurred to us since that he quite possibly had it.) 

 

After a joyous performance (who knew Shakespeare's Macbeth could actually have a hint of humor?), our family headed home. Little did we realize that that would be it for a long, long time. L's hybrid school had already begun shifting students to remote learning and M's work told him not to come in. L's dance classes got put on pause until they could shift to Zoom, where it has remained ever since. 

 

Effective Friday the 13th, our entire area shut down and on March 17th, became the first in the country to lock down into "shelter in place." An entire year has unfolded, unlike any other. M has never been back to the office, working from a stool next to our bed. Holidays and gatherings have all been outside and masked. We had our first summer missing time at the lake. We got chickens. We survived the worst wildfire season in decades. We have biked almost weekly with grandparents for months. F grew. A lot.

 

We have been extremely careful, and we and close family are all still here (blessing), there have been so many silver linings! But the social distancing has taken a toll on our emotional, mental, and developmental health and growth.

 

For the past couple of months, this year's weekly Shakespeare class has been on Zoom, with F as Julius Caesar and L as costume assistant again. Today, the kids resumed a weekly, outdoor, masked soccer skills group that they have been part of for 6+ years, the first time really engaging with peers in months. It was good. 

 

One year, then and now. What is your story?

 

thrive

 

 

2020 has been a monumental year of unexpected challenges, one after another, all around the globe. 

Each year, since 2010, I have chosen a word of the year, and for 2020, it was the word Light. (Re-reading my post and the links within it was incredibly meditative for me.) 

When I choose a word for the year, it becomes an anchor for me, so even when I am not doing enough of anything else to care well for myself, I can think of the word and consider what I envisioned when I selected it.

I have a list of possible words for 2021...really good ones, like resilience (Lala Bug's urging) and connection, but the word thrive keeps coming back to my mind.

2020 has been a year during which I have wrestled with feelings of gratitude, joy, appreciation, privilege, struggle, overwhelm, frustration, desperation, anxiety, and guilt, all in one tangled mess. I have felt as though we are surviving; working hard to stay physically healthy, stay safe (in so many versions of the word), stay employed, stay connected, all while being mindful of the mental and emotional health toll this is all taking, up and down all day, everyday now. I feel as if I am "on" 24/7, as though I am the lighthouse for my family, but my light is unstable.

I want to Thrive, so that is the word I am choosing for 2021. 

I hope you, too, thrive, in 2021 and I hope you found some glimmers of light (some silver linings) in 2020. Namaste.

brown mouse

 

 

Brown Mouse, today is your day of all days. Your humor and dimpled smile bring joy daily. I don’t take you or that feeling for granted. You’re my baby, like the engine at the back, pushing me forward through this Mama gig. Kiddo, no-one will recognize you when we can be in community again! You have grown so much this year that this is the last birthday (likely the last month!) during which I am still (slightly) taller than you are. Thank you for being your smart, kind, playful, and humorous self, wrapped in a mischievously dimple-smiled package!

holiday cheer with a countdown

 

Well 2020 certainly is winding down in a different way than expected when it began, isn't it? 

Some mama friends and I were brainstorming ways to add a little spark within our own families and spread cheer to family and friends. One of the ideas I shared is the countdown that my little family has done every December for years. 

We string numbered baby socks (but it could be anything...envelopes, a single stocking, a small basket, a stuffed animal's lap, etc.) along a strand of fairy lights for the entire month of December, through January 1 (not just through December 24/Advent, so this works for everyone, not just celebrants of Christmas, and prevents so much holiday letdown).

Each night, I put a slip of paper into the sock for the next day. Each paper slip has a message on it with an activity, craft, food, treat, outing, service, etc. for that day. Tucking the slip in the night before allows me to decide what will work for our plans and moods the following day (rather than trying to plan the entire month in advance). My kids take turns pulling out the slip.

Here are links to what we did the previous few of years; 2019, 2018, 2017.

Below is a list of ideas of things you could do for your own countdown. My own list is more specific to where we live, so I tried to generalize some of our activities for the list below. Add your own! We are coastal, so I don't have things like "build a snow creature" on our list, but you could add anything like this and skip the things below that don't apply to your family. We clearly celebrate Christmas, a little Hanukkah, and Solstice, but you could add Kwanzaa or another celebration. Also, I haven't deleted anything from my own list, so there are things that should apply for a range of ages, since my own kids are middle and high school now! (That also explains any repeats that might be on the list below!)

 

Get a Christmas tree today!

 

 

Go shopping for our ‘adopted’ family.

 

 

Make a Christmas gift or card.

 

 

Celebrate Christmas Eve. Open a present.

 

 

Happy St. Nicholas Day!

 

 

Bake cookies.

 

 

Decorate a gingerbread house.

 

 

Read a new holiday book together.

 

 

Winter Solstice! Have a lantern walk.

 

 

Winter Solstice! Celebrate light together.

 

 

Winter Solstice! Celebrate the light by keeping the power off after sun down. After sunset, use only candlelight, firelight, natural light.

 

 

Practice recorder, singing, piano, or flute. Play a Christmas carol.

 

 

Go on an outing with Grandparent(s).

 

 

Go to kid’s art studio.

 

 

Wrap a present.

 

 

Choose a toy or book we no longer need and donate it to a person in need.

 

 

Go to a Christmas party.

 

 

You deserve a treat! Ask Mamma for one!

 

 

Have a party!

 

 

Make a Christmas gift.

 

 

Care for our bird friends. Make a treat garland, clean out the chicken coop, and fill the feeders.

 

 

Go to the aquarium.

 

 

Choose a candy cane from the tree.

 

 

Draw a picture that shows what you are thankful for.

 

 

Craft with Dada.

 

 

Celebrate the season at a winter festival.

 

 

Give something to charity.

 

 

Craft today!

 

 

Have dinner in a restaurant.

 

 

Take out Christmas decorations!

 

 

Have an adventure or play date with friends.

 

 

Decorate the tree!

 

 

Merry Christmas! Buon Natale! Feliz Navidad!

 

 

Go to the winterland carousel.

 

 

Go to a holiday concert!

 

 

Change the nature table to celebrate the season.

 

 

Help a friend today!

 

 

Get out in nature!

 

 

Take a ferry ride today!

 

 

Hanukkah begins today. Light the menorah.

 

 

Go to a museum today.

 

 

Let’s do some holiday cooking or baking today!

 

 

Celebrate New Year’s Eve today.

 

 

Today is Boxing Day!

 

 

Make clove oranges today.

 

 

Pull out holiday books!

 

 

Write holiday cards for a stranger (elderly or military) to appreciate.

 

 

Write some thank you notes!

 

 

Enjoy a winter celebration from another culture and/or country.

 

 

Enjoy the lights on “Christmas Tree Lane.”  

 

 

See the hillside manger scene.

 

 

Send special mail to friends or family.

 

 

Make wool lambs.

 

 

Make corn husk angels.

 

 

Make papier mache bowls.

 

 

Make Swedish hearts.

 

 

String a popcorn garland

 

 

Make a pinecone garland.

 

 

Make paper snowflakes.

 

 

Make a lantern!

 

 

Make salt dough ornaments

 

 

Think of others today. What can you do for or say to someone else that would be especially kind?

 

 

Take care of our community. Do something kind and healthy, such as collect garbage, donate food, or volunteer.

 

 

Make walnut shell candles.

 

 

Winter crafting with our community today!

 

 

Make candles!

 

 

Make latkes and serve with applesauce.

 

 

Play dreidel!

 

 

Go get a doughnut treat!

 

 

It is time for Sparkle Stories’ audio Advent calendars!

 

 

Choose three (3) of your books to pass on to someone else. Now visit the library book store! Look for a new book for yourself and one to give as a gift.

 

 

Take a walk to a nearby store and pick out a holiday treat!

 

 

Make holiday cards!

 

 

Make a holiday gift!

 

 

Today is for the birds! Bird watch, make a bird treat, and fill the bird feeder.

 

 

Merry Making!

 

 

Treasure hunt! The first clue is:

 

 

See a holiday show today!

 

 

Practice recorder, singing, piano, drums, guitar, ukulele, or flute. Play a Christmas carol.

 

 

Decorate the exterior of the house!

 

 

Make kite paper stars.

 

 

Today is a neighborhood day! Deliver cards or treats to neighbors, pick up garbage, add (a) book(s) to the Little Library.

 

 

Bunny day! Scrub the hutch tray, brush her fur, clip her nails, give her fresh greens, and let her hop about!

 

 

Care for the garden. As needed; rake, weed, sweep, plant seeds, water, tend compost, and explore!

 

 

Have a carpet picnic and enjoy some bubbly to ring in the New Year!

 

 

Winter spiral walk tonight!

 

 

Winter candle light New Year’s wishing and star gazing tonight.

 

 

Light a candle tonight and make a wish or intention for the New Year.

 

 

Enjoy the winter sky tonight.

 

 

Buy a toy for Toys for Tots or another organization that helps children in need.

 

 

Go shopping for a child in need.

 

 

Read a favorite holiday book together.

 

 

Make “blessing bags” to hand out to those in need.

 

Make a collage (or vision board or dream garden) for the new year.

 

Decorate a little tree for your room!

 

Do a little holiday shopping today!

 

Head to the recycle/repurpose store. Can you find a gift or something to make into a gift?

 

 

Visit the lake today. What does it look like this winter? Nature study!

 

Happy New Year! How can you challenge yourself this year?

 

Make some bookmarks, then anonymously leave a stack at the library or in a ‘Little Library.’

 

It is time for Sparkle Stories’ 12 Days of Christmas stories!

 

Make some surprise goodies for friends today.

 

Treat-making day; toffee, hot chocolate spoons, and cookies?!

 

Movie day! Watch a holiday film and have a hearth fire (or candles in the fireplace).

 

Participate in the Christmas Bird Count (eBird) today!

 

 

 

light - an autumn check-in

 

I hesitated using this photo. It represents so much for me; nature, seasonal change, hope, and light. But it was one beautiful day, tucked into weeks of unprecedented wildfire smoke and poor air, trapping us inside. It feels misrepresentative.

 

I have been missing from this space for quite some time. The general changes of life in the past year or so, coupled with the pandemic, have me moving further inward. But I have been thinking a lot about my word for 2020, Light, and today, as I folded some laundry, I had a sudden urge to come and post. I don't really have collected thoughts to share, but perhaps I am not alone, as my mind wanders through a chain reaction of emotions and awareness of a need for time to process. Time that is difficult to carve out these days, despite seemingly having lots of time. (We, as parents, have taken on every role, all at once. Even those of us who homeschooled before are not experiencing life in the same way. Our spaces are small and so compactly shared right now. Those of us with high needs children are left without supports we once had. Our children don't have time with mentors they adore. And more. It is hard.)

When I chose the word Light, it was almost a transitional word for me, because the other word I considered was Change. I didn't feel ready to do the inner work involved, yet, with the word Change, but I guess Mother Earth is having a laugh on me, because this year has been all about Change. But it has also been about Light. When I chose Light, the other word that paired with it in my mind was Namaste, which I have always known to mean "the good and the light in me, sees and honors the good and the light in you." 

Isn't this a year during which we have needed to continue to see the good in others and continue to have to reach toward, lean into, walk toward light, positivity, and hope?

There has been so much darkness this year. A pandemic, many deaths as a result, chronic after-effects for many who have survived, economic pain and instability, and climate disasters. Here where I live, 4 million acres of beautiful land, burned in wildfires, many killed, homes lost, and many more displaced. It keeps coming. It is the sensation of being knocked down, bruised up, and dragging ourselves up again to keep going. It is a year of grieving so much. I am not willing to give up on 2020 yet. There are too many holidays, birthdays, achievements, and goals to be celebrated and met.

With light and hope,

N

a turn around the sun, hidden behind smoke

 

 

I love you, sweet girl. With every passing year, I realize we are born who we are and grow into ourselves. Thank you for being you, making me a Mama, and helping me grow into myself. I appreciate you so much, and as I reflect back on this past year, this crazy, surreal year, I see you have grown so much, each challenge and joy, more into yourself. I love that. 

What an odd, yet special birthday this year. As we hunkered down at home, unable to celebrate with family or friends inside because of a pandemic, or outside because of wildfire smoke and poor air quality, we ate good food (chosen by you!), ever grateful for the simple bounty we have.